Tiger Stripes
by juliangelus
Summary: Jasper found his everything in Bella. Bella found nothing she desired in Sam. Being stripped of everything she had Bella finds solace with Peter and Char. Can mates separated by hate overcome their haunted past? AU, Non Canon, Jasper/Bella, M for language/lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Tiger Stripes**

Summary: Separated by hatred, can they overcome the darkness...

Disclaimer: I own two cats, I do not own Twilight SM does.

A massive thank you to the awesome dcurley1, my beta, my educator in all things google, my muse. Without you this wouldn't have happened :D

Chapter One

It was time to leave; and while the thought saddened me, I couldn't see any other option. Picking up my duffle bag, I started shoving clothes into it as quickly as I could. I grabbed only the bare necessities, figuring I could just buy anything I'd forgotten when I got wherever it was I was running to. I grabbed _Pride and Prejudice_, a few other books I hadn't read yet, my medications, and stuffed in all in the bag on top of my clothes. My medication took up most of the room, but there was no way I could leave _that_ behind.

I can't do this, I thought, staring at the bag, momentarily losing myself in the past. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to close the bag and continue on.

_You can do this, you're stronger than you think_, I kept repeating to myself. I want to be that strong, but am I really? I just didn't know anymore. It doesn't really matter, I just have to suck it up and get the hell out of here as fast as I can.

Making my bed, I took one last look around my bedroom- my safe haven, my place of serenity and peace. I don't even know what the future holds for me anymore, but I doubt I'll be back here anytime soon-if ever. Fighting back my tears, upset at having leaving my family and _angry_ at the person who's given me no other choice than to run, I softly closed the door behind me and walked down the stairs.

I grabbed my battered, old leather jacket and glanced down at the bowl of car keys, wondering which car I should borrow, well actually in this case, steal. Peter's truck was out of the question, it was his baby, and while he'd forgive me for almost anything, taking his baby definitely wasn't one of them.

Hidden in the bottom of the bowl, I spotted a familiar set of keys and picked them up gingerly. I knew it was a bad idea, the car's owner would be seriously pissed, and instinct told me he wasn't a man to cross. _But_, I thought, _if I put the car in secure parking and mail the keys to him, is it really stealing?_ Chuckling to myself, I grabbed the keys and headed out the front door, not bothering to lock it, and walked to the garage.

I pressed down on the accelerator and was surprised at how fast the car shot forward. The speed was exhilarating. _Whoa_, I thought, giggling to myself, _who knew I was a speed freak_?

Turning the radio up, I started singing along, willing myself out of my panic and into a better frame of mind. Glancing down at the speedometer, I realized that by the end of the day I would be hundreds of miles away-a thought which brought me both relief and heartache. I would miss Texas, the heat suited me. I loved the sunshine and the clear skies that seemed to go on forever. It was a far cry from the near constant rain and perpetual dampness of Forks. But most of all, I would miss my family; being able to laugh, to love and be loved in return, and the freedom of finally being allowed to just be me.

I only stopped for gas and snacks a few times, paying in cash hoping that people wouldn't remember me. _Yeah right _, I snorted to myself, _you'd have to be deaf and blind __**not **__to notice the flashy, glossy-red Dodge. _

Five hours into my road trip and I was starting to get a little tired. As I debated the pro's and con's of getting a motel versus just sleeping in the car, my phone rang. I wanted to ignore it, God how I wanted to ignore it, but I knew the caller. And knowing him, the phone would just ring and ring, and I'd get no peace until I spoke to him. Stupidly I didn't even consider turning my phone off. Taking a deep breath, I pulled over to the side of the road and answered the phone.

"Peter" I said nervously

"Where the hell are you? And what the hell are you doing with the Viper? Turn 'round and come home right now Puss." Peter yelled, his worry and frustration made evident by the deepened tone of his usually slight southern drawl."

I shook my head in response, then rolled my eyes when I realized he couldn't see it. "No Pete, I have to go. I can't stay there with him."

I heard a growl come through the phone. "Don't talk like that. Are you really going to throw away three years of work because of him? Come back, finish your studies. If you still want to leave when you graduate, you can go with our blessing. You only have three weeks to go," he implored, the crack in his voice breaking my heart all over again.

I could see the logic in what he was saying, but I didn't think I could spend three weeks with our _'visitor'_; hell, I didn't even want to  
spend another three _minutes_ with _him_.

"Peter, I don't think I…"

"Puss, he's only been here twelve hours and you're running," Peter sighed, cutting me off. "I think we have the right to know why, we didn't even know you knew him."

I huffed and sighed, but knew he was right. I'd never told them about _him_, the memories were too painful. They'd given me a home, looked after me when I needed it, had supported me, loved me, and helped me heal when no one else was there. It would be pretty shitty of me  
to leave them like this.

"Ok, ok…I'm coming back now," I muttered, ending the call before Peter could say anything else.

I didn't rush driving back. I made sure I had a nap and grabbed a coffee and a snack before setting off. To be honest, I was dragging my feet deliberately. I knew that I was going to be in trouble, especially with _him, _and I wasn't ready to face it.

It was close to midnight when I finally pulled to a stop in front of the house. My phone had rung a few times, but I hadn't answered it. I guessed Pete was trying to get me to hurry up; either that or he was making sure that I hadn't changed my mind.

The house was lit up like a Christmas tree. Usually it looked welcoming, but tonight it just seemed ominous. I got out the car and hesitated, wishing I was brave enough to drive away again. I saw the front door fly open and an extremely angry vampire with bright red eyes shot down the steps towards me.

"Don't you ever touch my fuckin' car again darlin' " he snarled, snatching the keys out of my hand.

"Darlin'?" I queried, raising an eyebrow at him. "Your southern charms don't work on me anymore."

"Peter said I had to play nice," he growled out, stepping towards me menacingly in response. "Because believe me _darlin_', there are other  
words I'd much prefer to use for you right now."

"And I'd prefer it if you didn't talk to me at all." I suggested hopefully, somehow resisting the urge to step away from him and stand my ground.

"Well, if I do you can always run away again. You're good at that," he spat back at me, trying to bait me into an argument.

"You know what, I was going to apologize for taking your car... but you can fuck off!" I bit out while spinning round intending to storm into the house. My traitorous feet betrayed me though and to my utter mortification, I tripped and fell flat on my ass.

As he laughed at me, I could feel the elastic band that was holding my temper in check snap. I hauled myself to my feet, picked up my bag and started walking towards the house. Looking over my shoulder at him, still laughing at me, I took a deep breath.

"Fuck you Jasper. Oh wait…I already did that and look where it got me."


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n I don't own twilight, just my own imagination**

**a huge thanks and bigger hugs to dcurley1, thanks for letting me chat to you for hours and for giving up your valuable time to make this readable. I love the way you translate whats in my head onto paper**

Chapter 2

_Previously:_

_"Fuck you Jasper! Oh wait, I already did, and look where that got me."_

I calmly walked up the steps into the house, and slammed the heavy oak door shut.

I barely made it into my room before I was brought to my knees with panic. I knew I'd made a major mistake letting Pete persuade me to come back. My room no longer felt like a sanctuary with Jasper in the house-the pale cream walls now seemed cold, and the heavy furniture made the space feel claustrophobic. I wanted to run, every fiber in my body was telling me to run, _run and don't look back_. The problem was that I promised my family that I would stay and one thing I didn't do was break promises.

I made it to the comfort of my bed. The tears started and I cried and cried for what felt like hours. There was a soft knock on my door before I heard it open, and felt the bed dip as someone sat down alongside me. I felt a cold hand rubbing my back and stroking my hair.

"Shhh...you'll make yourself sick." Charlotte's voice was soothing with a tinge of humor. "And you know we're no good at dealing with _that_."

Despite myself, I felt a snotty hiccupping giggle escape me and I remembered the time I'd gotten a stomach virus. I hadn't lived with them long at all and their revulsion at having to listen to me vomit over and over and over again actually ran them from the house. They've gotten used to it over the last few years, but I still tried to avoid it if I could.

"Sorry," I sniffled as she pulled me in for a hug. I felt safe in her arms and relaxed against her. Safety, security, simple words and phrases...concepts that I no longer thought were really applicable to me anymore.

"We do need to talk Bella," she murmured softly in my hair. "But not tonight, get some sleep and we'll talk when Pete and I get back tomorrow."

I'd forgotten that they were heading to Houston to see their lawyer. Wait, they weren't leaving me alone with Jasper were they? In a panic, I blurted out my question and was quickly reassured that he'd be going with them. _Thank you sweet baby Jesus_.

The room was too bright when I finally woke up, making me blink. It baffled me for a few seconds, as the sun didn't usually shine into my room in the morning. I reached over and checked my clock, and was stunned to see that I had slept until three in the afternoon. I hadn't slept that long in ages. Usually I was up half the night with nightmares and that's if I could actually get to sleep in the first place. It was odd…knowing I had to talk about my past should have triggered the nightmares, but I'd slept peacefully through the night. _Huh, that's strange_, I thought to myself as I mustered up the courage to face the day and headed towards the shower.

Oh my bathroom…it's glorious and I'll admit to being totally spoiled by it. It's huge and stockpiled with every relaxing salt, oil, soap, and lotion you can think of. The bathtub itself is a work of art: a huge, copper, tub with clawed feet and one end raised so I could rest my head while I soaked. I wasn't in the mood for a bath today; I was too antsy to relax, and I knew what I wanted to do with my free time, so I quickly stripped off and hopped in the shower.

Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a cup of strong coffee, a permanent fixture in this house, and noticed a note sitting on the breakfast bar.

_Back tonight_

_Watch out for snakes_

The mention of snakes made me laugh; I'd been out near the swimming hole a while ago and nearly stepped on a rattler. Since then, Pete had taught me to shoot and insisted that I always carry a loaded shotgun whenever I left from the house. I told him he was overreacting and being paranoid, he told me to shut it, shoved the gun in my hands, and stalked off…eyes darting back and forth across the ground searching for any other hidden danger. Snickering at the memory, I pulled on my nearly worn out, in other words perfectly worn in, boots and ran outside.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face; the air was warm, the sky was clear without a cloud in sight…it was perfect. The thermometer by the barn read a balmy 70 degrees. Telling myself that the perfect weather was a sign of _good _things to come, I stepped into the barn and was immediately greeted by soft whinnies. Making my way past each stall, I stopped to greet each occupant with a gentle pat and a carrot. Finally making it to the last stall, I unfastened the gate and stepped inside. An impatient nudge to my back told me that the horse was just as pleased to see me as I was to see him. After giving him a little love and an extra treat, I led him outside and quickly set about grooming and tacking him up.

_Dammit, _ I cursed to myself realizing that I'd left my hat in the house, _I should damn well know better by now not to go outside without covering up first._ I saw a black Stetson hanging just inside the tack room and feeling too damn lazy to walk back to the house and get my own, I decided to grab that one instead. It was too big, but I didn't really care. At this point all I wanted was to lose myself in the ride in a desperate attempt to quell my rising nerves. As I stepped out of the tack room and back into the barn, I could feel someones eyes on me. I started to feel panicked once again as I looked around to see who was there.

And there he was, a 6' 3" blonde cowboy god clad in only jeans and boots, hidden in the back shadows of the barn. I could feel the emotions pouring off him, primal and raw: anger, hate, frustration…lust. Without warning, he stalked towards me and my breath caught in my throat.

He took the hat from my head, put it on his own, and pushed past me. But instead of marching through the door to leave, as I desperately hoped he would, he slammed it closed and locked it.

"You steal a man's hat, you have to be ready for the consequences darlin'" he snarled, his eyes going black.

A bolt of fear went through me. I had no idea what the consequences were. I tried to swallow but he was suddenly so close to me I couldn't even breathe.

"J-Jasper…" I managed to croak out.

His eyes pierced mine as he growled at me, "Shut up Isabella."

His arms snaked around my back, pulling me close to him. I could feel the coolness of his body through my clothes, the contrast with the heat of the day was incredible. It was everything I'd needed for so long and yet at the same time, this closeness; his touch, his smell, the way his fingers curled into my hips, the slight flare of his nostril…it was everything I'd dreaded since he stormed back into my life. Oh God, it was too much…it wasn't enough.

I was lost in his eyes, and judging by the smirk on his face, he could feel the desire and longing raging through my body.

"What am I to do with you darlin'?" He whispered as he trailed his finger up my cheek and across my lips.

I could think of several things that he could do, that he'd done in the past before he betrayed me. My brain was turning to mush; I wasn't supposed to see him today…he wasn't supposed to be here dammit… he was supposed to have gone with Pete and Charlotte. Although I knew he'd never force me into anything, I didn't dare move in case he stopped. _But I wanted him to stop, didn't I?_

His hands spanned my waist, gently rubbing and squeezing my overheated flesh. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't help but sigh at the feeling of him pressing against me, his hardness telling me he was just as wanting as I was.

"You want this, don't you?" he muttered, "you were always _so _willing, _so _pliable, _so eager…_"

I opened my mouth, desperate to say something, _anything_, to break the spell he had over me. Before I could say a word, his hands gripped down on my arms and he shook me. "I thought I'd told you to shut your mouth," he growled out, spinning me around so my back was to him.

He ground himself against my ass and I couldn't help the wanton moan that escaped me.

"Shush Bella, I'm not telling you again," he whispered, his breath cool in my ear. "If you make another sound you will regret it."

His hand came up and shifted my hair over my shoulders and I shivered at the feel of his cool lips caressing the nape of my neck. I felt vulnerable and had to clamp down on the instinct to fight to him off of me, a battle I knew I'd never win under any circumstances. I just didn't know what to do…I couldn't think straight, the past and the present warring in my head...making me want to succumb to him while at the same time run away screaming.

"Just go with it Isabella, give in to me…_you belong to me..._"

I could feel him pushing my legs apart with his knee. I tried to clamp my legs together but he was too strong. He tightened his grip on my hair and started pushing down on my neck, making me lean forward.

He was forcing me to submit to him, and although part of me was thrilled, no _exhilarated_ by his dominance, my instincts were screaming at me to fight against it.

I heard a door slam and caught the scent of something rich and coppery. _My blood_, I realized as I felt it running down my face. I tried to put  
my hand up to see where I was bleeding, but I couldn't move. I was frozen on the floor, curled up and lost to the manic and conflicting thoughts and memories running rampant in my mind.

I heard movement outside the door and tried to crawl towards a pile of blankets in the corner, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move. I tried to make myself smaller and hide in the shadows. I didn't want Sam to find me. _Not Sam,_ I tried to tell myself, _this is Jasper and he won't hurt me like that_. But I couldn't separate the two in my mind...

Sam wanted me to submit; he hurt me, and left me for dead.

_Jasper wouldn't do that to me, I think, but I just don't know anymore…Oh God..._

A wave of pain washed over me and I choked on the vomit I tried desperately to swallow down.

I could hear someone saying something, from somewhere, I don't know where anymore..."Bella, where are you?"

_Keep quiet, don't move,_ I kept repeating to myself. How could I face any of them?

I was confused; my past was colliding with my present. _"You belong to me," _he snarled as he tried to force me into submission.

I had no idea where I was anymore. _No...not his, I'm mine, I belong only to myself._ I was lost to the pain again, blood was everywhere, and I couldn't help myself as I rolled over and got sick.

Darkness was finally coming, the quiet at last, the pain lessening as grew closer and closer.

I could hear voices again and tried to block them out but they were just too loud. I moved my hands to cover my ears, but it was no use, they were just too loud.

"Shut up, leave me alone", I whispered, my voice cracked and broken.

"You bastard!" I heard shouted close by.

_Are they talking to me?_ I didn't think so but I just didn't know.

"I'll rip you apart if you've hurt her, you fucker", someone growled, closer still this time. I was so scared.

I could feel bright light beating down on my face...it hurts, God it hurts SO much.

Cool arms scooped me up and I felt the wind rushing past my face. Softness underneath me...hands touching my face...

And the darkness finally came...


	3. Chapter 3

a/n so here it is chapter 3, I hope it will answer some of the questions I've been asked. Please review - they really do make me smile and boost my confidence.

Thanks once again to the amazingly awesome dcurley1 for her beta skills and for making Peter's accent come to life.

And as I've said before I don't own twilight

Chapter Three

_PPOV_

Charlotte came out of Bella's room and closed the door quietly. "She's sleeping now; I had to give her some sleeping tablets to help settle her. She hadn't taken her other meds today either."

Jasper looked curious. "What other meds?"

I started to speak but Charlotte got in there first. "That's for her to explain, _if_ and _when_ she is ever ready. I wouldn't hold your breath though."

A quiet growl came from the corner Jasper was standing in. "Why is she angry with me? _She's_ the one that left _me_!"

I was surprised by his reaction, considering what had happened earlier I thought he'd still be perplexed. I don't know what happened between them in the past and I'm not entirely sure what happened in the stables today, but I _am_ certain that Char and I aren't getting the full story. _And that shit is changin' right now. _

Bella's well being is our main focus though, and although we'd rather hear both sides of the story, she needs to rest and the less stress on her the better. _So_, I sighed to myself in aggravation, _we'll hear what Jasper has to say now and pray to God that Bella will stay 'round long enough to tell us hers_. Gut instinct tells me that they're definitely not singing from the same hymnal, and that we're gonna have to hear both of 'em out to get anywhere near the truth…and even then I'm bettin' that we'll still be missin' pieces.

Charlotte pulled Jasper out to the porch while I grabbed a bottle of Jack and cigarettes. Walking out onto the porch, I noticed that the sun had just about set and the sky was a myriad of different colors. A beautiful backdrop to the conversation I knew was going to be anything _but_ beautiful. I sunk into an old battered rocking chair looking at Char on the swing and Jasper on the floor.

I poured us all a glass of Jack, opened a pack of cigarettes and waited for someone to start talking.

Jasper tilted his head against the house, closed his eyes and finally started to speak. "The first time I saw her it was raining. I was drivin' back to the Cullen's house after a couple of weeks away visiting y'all. She was walking along the side of the road, soaked to the bone."

"I had every intention of driving past her. Maybe even deliberately slowing, giving her hope of a lift and then moving on. You know I can't help myself from actin' like an ass sometimes", he snickered then continued on, his voice softening into something almost tangibly _warm_. "But something made me stop; call it sympathy for her walking in the rain, call it remembering the manners my Mama taught me, I don't know what made me stop but I did. And despite how I feel about her now, I have no regrets about stoppin'."

"I pulled to a stop right next to her, rolled the passenger-side window down and all of a sudden...I was lost." He said, reaching over and lighting another cigarette.

"I knew who she was of course, _everyone_ knew Isabella. Her daddywas the Chief of Police in Forks. By reputation she was kind, funny,smart, sweet and by all accounts just plain nice to everyone. She had just turned eighteen. All the little boys in town flocked to her like bees to a honeypot, but she swatted them away. I'd seen her around town a few times before and couldn't help but be struck by how lonely she always seemed," he said, smiling wistfully.

"She wouldn't accept my help at first, said her daddy had taught her not to get in the car with strange men. At that point I didn't care what it took - she was getting in my car even if I had to knock her out to do it. I've _never_ had that reaction to anyone before; it was as if this human held the key to my whole existence. I couldn't see a way to live without her, even though we'd just met." He shook his head and quickly closed his eyes again. I could swear I saw venom glistenin' in his eyes but I wasn't gonna say anything to stop him, I needed to know what was goin' on. Besides, you just don't call a man out on somethin' like that.

_Wait a cotton pickin' minute, _I thought, momentarily stunned…and really fuckin' confused. _That sounds an awful lot like a mating pull. Was Jasper mated with Bella? What the fuck! But…but Bella shows no signs of being mated to him; it should be killing her to be apart from him for so long._Goddamn, I was confused! My thoughts kept swirlin' 'round my head, arguin' and bangin' into each other…nothing was making a damn lick of sense.

"I ain't sayin' I fell in love with her the minute I saw her, but hell if I wasn't halfway there already."

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. _She does have that effect on people, _I mused._ Jasper would be very surprised if he had any idea __**who**__ else she has wrapped around her little finger_

He continued on, nodding to himself. "I wanted to kiss her…to taste her everywhere. No, scratch that - I _needed_ to do those things. She was _mine_, made for just for me. My endless wandering now seemed worth it as it had brought me to her. Who'd have thought that I'd end up mated to a human? Such a delicate little creature, and yet so dangerous in her own right. Everything about her was just so _right_;her hair, her eyes…it was like she was made from fantasies I didn't even know I'd had. I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss her mouth as I watched her nervously chew on her bottom lip, or have her wrap it 'round my... um…nevermind." He groaned, peeking nervously over at Char.

"She was mine and I was hers. I would be whatever she wanted me to be; lover, husband, friend, anything just to be with her. HellI'd even have killed for her if she'd asked. But right then, it seemed that like being a friend was most appropriate seeing as I'd just met her. So I introduced myself as cordially as I could, "_Well hi thereMiss, my name is Jasper Hale. Looks like you could use a little help._"

Jasper raked his fingers through his hair, stood up and walked to the far end of the porch. He leaned forwards over the railing and was silent for a few minutes. I knew enough not to push him, he'd talk when he was good and ready. I wanted to walk over and pull him in for a hug, but neither of us were the huggin' type. The only thing I could do was listen and be there for him.

As he stood there, silently gazing out into the distance, I ran upstairs and checked on Bella. She was still fast asleep. Char had cleaned up the cut on her forehead and luckily it didn't need stitches. It looked like she'd banged her head as Jasper let go of her. I had to admit I was impressed with his control; we could have so easily ended up with a dead girl on our hands. Her breakdown, well, we'd have to see about that when she woke up. Like Jasper, I wasn't gonna pressure her none about it. She'll talk when she was good and ready.

When I went back outside, I noticed that Jasper was still standing where I'd left him. If it wasn't for his hair blowing in the breeze I'd have thought he was a statue.

"I'm going to shorten a long story Peter; this is uncomfortable for me to talk about." He said, finally breaking his silence.

I just nodded in acknowledgement.

"Over the next few weeks we talked for hours, and I loved just spendin' time with her. She knew what I was and what I was capable of and she wasn't frightened. It was refreshing to spend time with a human who wasn't prey. No, not just a human-Isabella, _my_ Isabella. She was so easy to be around, but something, I don't know what, stopped me from telling the Cullen's about her. I knew they'd be concerned."

"We became lovers after about six weeks. I was her first and she was going to be my last. I would have done anything for her. I was happy and for once, for the very first time in this long life of mine, I felt calm…settled…I was finally _complete_." He stopped for a moment, his voice cracking a bit before taking a deep breath and continuing on.

"We had several, long conversations about her Daddy. She felt like he was trying to push her towards some pup on the reservation and Isabella didn't want that. She tried to tell her daddy that she was seein' someone else, but he just banned her from seeing me instead of actually listenin' to her. We had to get sneakier and sneakier about seein' each other. We finally just decided that as she was over eighteen, there was very little he could do anyway and that enough was enough."

He stopped again and took another deep breath, his face hardening to stone. "But everything good has to come to an end I guess,"he continued. "We'd been together about for about ten months, she'd just graduated from high school, and we'd spent the night together in some hotel in Seattle…we made love all night. When she fell asleep, I ran out to hunt and…to pick something up. When I came back, she was gone and had left a note for me. I still have the fuckin' thing."

He pulled his wallet out of his back jean pocket, and took out a folded-up piece of paper that had obviously been there for years. As he carefully unfolded it and smoothed it out, I noticed something wrapped up in it but he put it back in his pocket before I could see what it was. I couldn't tell what was written on the paper as it was face down, worn out, and faded.

His voice changed into something cold and dead, like the Jasper I used to know when his demon was out of control. "I don't have to look at it anymore, I have it memorized. It says '_Jazz, I don't want this-you- anymore. Don't contact me, I never want to see you again.'_

"She left me Peter. I loved her and she fuckin' left me," his voice was hoarse and cracking with raw emotion. I could feel the pain coming off him in waves and it knocked me to my knees.

"This is what I went to pick up after I hunted that day. I was going toask her to marry me," he croaked out while reaching into his pocket and pulling out a ring. "That girl…that little fuckin' girl…the fuckin' bitch walked out on me, just leaving a note behind. She didn't even have the courtesy to tell me herself, she just left a fuckin' note."

I struggled to my feet and pulled him in for a hug, _to hell with this 'men don't hug' bullshit_. I just couldn't reconcile _his_ Isabella with _my_ Bella. She wouldn't, no, she _couldn't_, just do that to someone she'd loved. I knew instinctively that this had to do with the day we'd found her but without her permission, I couldn't just tell Jasper about it. We would have to wait until she woke up and then see if she was ready to talk to him.

"I went to her house to try to see her; to beg her to change her mind. Her daddy's friend, some guy in a wheelchair from the reservation, said she wasn't there and was back on the reservation with the _'Alpha' _like she belonged. He told me to get the fuck of the Swan property or he'd shoot me. _Jesus_ Peter, she reduced me to fuckin' begging like a _dog_," he spat.

Jasper finally looked at me and, _goddamn_, the pain and rage on his face would fuckin' haunt me forever. "Rosalie caught me leaving her bedroom window early one morning a few days before Isabella left me. She said that I had to stop this, that it was dangerous, that it could bring the wrath of the Volturi on me and by default them."

"She said there was something else, but she was too scared to tell me. I demanded that she did and she finally told me that she'd overheard that Isabella was the imprint of the Alpha of the wolf pack. I accused her of lying, of trying to ruin what Isabella and I had, of being jealous."

He sighed, "I should have listened to her, it would have saved me a broken heart and five years of grief."

"Turns out that Rose was right, she went straight to him. It was immaterial anyway, the next day Alice couldn't see her future anymore. I'd asked her to look to see if we got back couldn't see anything; there was no future to see. All she could see was Chief Swan at a funeral crying. Twenty-four hours later and Isabella was dead. I couldn't see a way to go on. Rose was smothering me in guilt, and the others in shock, disbelief, and pity. I couldn't handle it anymore so I took off as fast as I could and haven't been back since. I've spoken to Rose a couple of times but that's about it." Dear God, my brother, Jasper, the unbeatable warrior that he was…I've never heard him, or any man, sound so exhausted in their entire life. _Sweet baby Jesus, what the fuck is goin' on here?_ My unbeatin' heart was physically _achin'_ for him, but I knew, _goddammit I knew_, that somethin' wasn't right with this…somethin' was missing.

His voice hardened again and he continued on. "It doesn't really fuckin' help when my brother and his wife refuse to see me for five goddamn years. It can make a man feel just a little _unwanted_. I just couldn't take my mind off her Peter. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her, I could hear her voice, I could smell her, Christ I could _feel_ her."

"I kept the note to try and remind myself that the whore wasn't worth it, but it didn't work, nothin' worked. I tried everything I could think of to erase her but she was like a goddamn tattoo-permantently marked on my mind and in my fuckin' heart."

"I've spent the last five years in hell. First thinking that my mate rejected me and then to be tormented by her death. I decided to just turn up here, figured you wouldn't throw me out if I was on your doorstep, and for fucks sake I _needed_ you. But guess what I found? Ifind _her_ playin' happy fuckin' family with my shithead of a brother and his wife. No wonder you didn't want me here, you've obviously taken sides, and it sure as hell isn't mine."

I tried to speak, I knew immediately where Jasper was coming from, and he'd got it wrong though on _so_ many levels. _But_ _fuck_, _how the hell can I explain this without breakin' my Puss' heart?_ So I took the only option I could think of, and like an _asshole_, stayed silent.

"Why didn't she contact me Peter? Just _once_ to let me know she was okay. The bitch owes me that at least. When she came in to the barn today, I couldn't decide whether I wanted kill her or fuck her. She met the Major for the first time today, and I'm not sorry that it scared her, she deserved it. Fuckin' bitch. She's taken _everything_ from me; my sanity, my family, my heart, my fuckin' _life _Peter! Why does she deserve to live when I've been dying? To hell with that, I've been _dead_."

"Jasper, honey...," Charlotte spoke for the first time. "We didn't know about the two of you, she'd never even mentioned your name. And baby, it's not that we didn't want you to visit, we just knew that the Cullen's came from the same town as her and we didn't want the mind reader findin' out that she was alive and lettin' it slip." She paused, and you could tell that she was thinkin' hard about what to say, what she _could_ say next. "It would have caused complications and it would have been dangerous for her. But before you ask, I _can't_ say anything else and I am _so_ sorry."

I watched his lips curl back in an angry snarl before he bit out his response. "I don't give a fuck Char, it's not your fault. It's that snake in the grass, bitch, whore upstairs!" And with that, he leapt over the railing and ran into the night.

"Well… _that_ went well," I muttered to Char, trying to process what he'd said. I had no idea how the hell to get us all out of this unholy mess, and for once, it was nothing to do with me.

a/n - please review, even if its just 1 word :P hit the button, you know you wanna. You can comfort Jasper if you do


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n Well here it is Chapter 4. **

**Millions of hugs to my awesome beta dcurley1, I only hope you understand how much I owe you and love you babe.**

**Thanks also to Undasque and Simplyjanice - you both know why...**

**I still don't own twilight, but i do own a bottle of jack.**

**Lemon alert in this chapter**

**Please enjoy and leave me a review, it lets me know if you like it.**

**Chapter Four**

**JPOV**

I ran. Not thinking of anything apart from keeping one foot in front of the other, I moved swiftly through the Texas night...and as far away from _her_ and them as I could possibly get. It was just all too much and I was at the point where I just couldn't take anymore. Telling Peter and Charlotte everything had drained me and I needed time to think, to process, to figure out what was going on. It had been a long time since I'd been so open with anyone that it just left me too vulnerable...too exposed.

Dawn was breaking when I finally stopped. I had no idea how far I'd run and had absolutely no fuckin' clue where I was. The area was sparsely wooded and the lights of a nearby town were filtering through the trees. Opening up my senses, I tried to feel if anyone was near me and as luck would have it, finally, I was alone. It was going to be a sunny day and I needed to get out of sight. Anyone who came across me in the sunlight would instantly suspect me as being 'abnormal' due to the deathly pale pallor of my skin.

_Motel...that would do_, I thought to myself as I walked through the still dark street. Heading into one I found, I used all my charm on the blonde behind the counter and persuaded her to let me rent a room for the day only, despite the fact that it was posted all over the reservation desk that rooms could not be rented on an hourly basis. Thickening my drawl, and sending her all the trust I could manage, I fed her a story about an argument with my girlfriend and my need to stay somewhere until she calmed down.

"If there's _anything_ I can do for you sugar, anything at all, you just holler okay," she purred while leaning over the counter and tuggin' down her shirt to show off her ample cleavage a little more.

I had absolutely zero fuckin' interest in taking her up on her blatant offer. She slowly slid the room key along with a piece of paper with what I assumed was her telephone number scrawled on it. _I might have laid on the charm a bit too much_, and let the paper fall to the floor as discreetly as I could.

Quickly finding my room, I shut the door behind me and closed the thin curtains. Not that they would keep the sunlight out but they would stop any prying eyes from looking in. I needed time to think, to process Isabella's return to my life. As I looked round the threadbare room, I thought that at least it was clean and surprisingly roach free; not that it really mattered, I'd been in much worse places.

_Isabella; Te quiera, Te odio... _She was once my reason for living, my everything, and now... now, I have no idea what she is to me anymore.

I had decided to see my brother on a whim. I wasn't worried about Alice seeing anything I decided to do, and besides that, no one had a way of contactin' me. I only use disposable cell phones, don't make a habit of givin' out my number, and I usually destroy and replace it if I use it. Not that any of it mattered anyway. I haven't seen the Cullens in five years and I'd never lived with them permanently before that. I'm more of a wanderer, a nomad. I like staying with friends every once in awhile, but I prefer to be alone with my thoughts. I used to follow the 'vegetarian' lifestyle of the Cullens, but I'd given up drinking from animals when my Isabella died. As my meal of choice now are doe-eyed brunettes, I'm not entirely sure how welcomin' the Cullens will be if I ever go back to them.

When I got to Char and Pete's, I hadn't even bothered knocking and just walked straight into the house. Following the lively conversation coming from the back of the house, I headed straight through the great room to the kitchen.

And then I saw her...

Sitting at the breakfast bar and laughing, her head was thrown back and her mahogany hair was flowing wild and loose down her back.

All at once, her disappearance hit me like a ton of bricks; she was alive, she was here...she was right in front of me...and she was _alive_.

Pure elation coursed through me at first, but it quickly turned to anger, to rage. She had no right to be here and happy and laughing! I had been dead, miserable for the past five years. What the hell gave her the right to smile...to breathe...to live...to sit there like she hadn't been fuckin' gone in the first fuckin' place.

I was stunned...speechless...I can't remember how long I stood there watchin' her...questionin' my sanity.

I must have made a noise, gave some sort of sign that I was there, because she suddenly turned around and looked at me. Countless reactions flew across on her face; joy, panic, a fleeting glimpse of lust, and then terror-absolutely raw terror. She was _terrified_ of me. I watched, confused, as she stood up and looked for an escape but there was nowhere for her to go. _Why was she frightened of me? _I'd never hurt her physically, well in my fantasies I had but that was _after_ she left me. Besides, they don't really count..._because she was dead and had been that way for five fuckin' years now_! Though I was dumbstruck and completely confused by her fear, the Major, the sadistic animal deep inside of me, was glad she was scared, she _deserved_ to be after all she put me through.

I shook my head and tried to bring myself back to the present. I needed to a plan, I needed to figure out how I actually felt and what I was going to do about Isabella Swan. But most importantly, I needed to find out what in the fuck was goin' on!

_What was I going to do about her? _

_I could think of something I'd love to do to her..._

_I imagined her dead on the floor in front of me, my mouth stained with her blood..._

_No...not dead, not again, I can't handle her dead again..._

_My thoughts shifted...and I imagined plowing into her from behind...grabbing her by the hair, pulling her head back and exposing the throbbing vein in her throat...sinking my teeth into her while I was deep, deep inside of her wet sex..._

I palmed myself through my jeans; I was rock hard and cursing I yanked them open to stroke my cock.

I imagined myself leaning forward, snarling…

I could hear her gasping…moaning…whimpering for me…_all for me, only me_…

_Ah_…the thought of my teeth slicing into that throbbing artery…

My fingers knotted in her hair, feeling it cascaded over my shoulders while I arch her back against my chest...

_Oh God, I'm almost there….so close…it's been so fucking long…_

Watching her full breasts bounce and jiggle with every thrust...I could swear I felt the heat of her flesh and breath against me...slowly moving my hand down her softly rounded belly...lower...teasing my girl...I know what she likes...I'm the only one who knows what she likes...

_Fuck...I'm so close...so fucking close...I can't stop...Bella, my Isabella...oh God..._

I can hear her whisper to me _"Don't stop Jasper, don't ever stop…"_

My fantasy Isabella turned her head and looked at me with those big, brown eyes. _My _big, brown eyes…

And I stopped...my Bella, my Isabella. _Oh God, Isabella, I've needed you so much. _I could feel the venom welling up in my eyes, more tears for my girl...

My cock went soft immediately…

_Fuck, she even manages to ruin jacking off for me!_

Frustrated, I fastened my jeans and sat up on the bed. _I can't go on like this…it's time to sort out the Isabella issue once and for all…_ _I have to rationalize this and stop relying on my emotions_.

As far as I could see I had two options: stay or go, work it out or don't and leave.

If I left I would be alone; but if I stayed… it didn't mean I wouldn't end up alone. She's taken my family from me, and I have fuckin' no idea which of us they would favor if push comes to shove.

What do you do when somebody you loved, someone who betrayed you in the worst way possible suddenly comes back from the dead?

I couldn't even decide if I was happy or not that she was alive.

_Fuck, will she ever stop tormentin' me? Is it possible to be in love with someone and loathe their very existence at the same time?_

Conflicting thoughts and emotions wreaked havoc on my my and mind throughout the day. _Christ, if vampires could get headaches, I would have had a migraine by nightfall._

But there was at least one thing I knew for sure, and that was that there is no way in hell she was going to drive me away from my home. Peter and I had bought the land and built the house when we first escaped Maria. She couldn't make me give _that _up. She might take my heart, my sanity, and my pride…but she wasn't gonna take my home and my land. _Fuck that._ I was goin' back home and if the unfaithful little tramp didn't like it, she could be the one to leave._ Fuck her._

I am Major Jasper Whitlock, the original American bad ass. I had fought and fucked my way into vampire legend and no wide eyed little human was gonna to take that away from me. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that Jasper…one day you might believe it…you know all she has to do is smile at you and you'll fall all over again._

I was really startin' to hate the voice in my head. He seemed to forget the fact that _she_ had walked out on _me_, _she _left her mate, not _me_.

She was gonna pay for it though. Isabella had better be prepared.

Five hours later, and I was sitting on top of the barn watching the light in her bedroom go out, resisting the urge to go through her window. I wanted to shake her and ask why she'd left me for him, the pup, and why she wasn't still with him if they were _imprinted_ on each other. I snarled at the thought, imprinting….she and that fuckin' dog had imprinted….that dog had imprinted on _my _mate.

Peter and Charlotte obviously weren't gonna tell me shit…and if I asked Isabella would I be able to believe a word she said? As I'd said to Pete last night, they'd obviously taken sides…and it wasn't my side they were on.

Charlotte had said that Isabella hadn't mentioned me…_was I really that forgettable to her, did she have no good memories of our time together?_ Just the thought stung my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

_What had happened to the wolf? Did she cheat on him too? Had he kicked her to the curb like she did me? Christ, was Peter safe from the evil succubus? Had he already succumbed to her charms? Does Charlotte know or is she part of it too? What kind of relationship does she have with them? They both love her and she adores them…what the fuck is goin' on here?_

Peter and I played poker and drank whiskey all night while Char curled up in a chair with a book. We didn't talk about _the human_ asleep upstairs. Pete tried a couple of times but I just shut him right the fuck down, I'd said my piece. They should be grateful that I even came back, the fuckin' traitors.

When we heard noises signaling that she was waking up, I took off for the barn under the pretense of sorting the morning chores out. Feeding, grooming, and mucking out the stalls somehow kept me calm.

The big, grey horse in the last stall kept pushing me with his head, obviously expecting treats, and the nameplate on his stall said 'Confederate'. He smelt of Isabella, so I assumed he was hers. He was beautiful, I would have been proud to own him in my human life.

After slappin' the dust of my hat off against my leg, I went through the back door into the house, intent on a shower. I could hear voices from Isabella's room. She was trying to persuade Charlotte that she would be ok to go to school, she kept sayin' that she had things she needed to do before her graduation. _That was in what…three weeks time now? Why couldn't it wait for her to rest a little longer? Wait, _I reminded myself, _I don't fuckin' care._

Charlotte reluctantly agreed and offered to drive her. Then they started to argue when Isabella told her no. _Why did they fuss over her so much? Why does she let them? She was always so independent._ Isabella started speaking again, sayin' the reason she didn't want Char taking her was because she was meeting someone for coffee after class. Char obviously asked who, "Chris" was Isabella's response.

"Your first date in five years sugar..." Char's murmured but I didn't hear the rest. All I could hear was a pounding in my ears and could feel the rage taking over me.

_A date! Why the fuck would she wanna go on a date with someone else? Oh yeah shithead, she hates you remember? Why do you care you hate her too._

Forgetting my plan to take a shower, I ran downstairs and slammed the door on my way out. Headin' back into the stables, I grabbed a bridle and put it on the grey I'd noticed earlier. Not bothering with a saddle, I sprung onto his back and galloped away from the house. Several miles away from the house, I finally pulled him to a halt. Seething, I quickly dismounted and proceeded to stomped around, kicking rocks and trees and just about anything I could see to vent this frustration. _How __**dare**__ she arrange to go on a date with someone else, knowing I was here?_ Charlotte said she didn't date though, was the little bitch doing it deliberately just to tease me and piss me off? If that was indeed her plan, it sure as hell was working. Other questions swirled in my thoughts, confusing me even more. _If she'd been here for five years, why was she only just graduating?_ Surely, she would have done with college two years ago. _And why all the medications?_ I would have to get some fuckin' answers soon before I lose the little bit of sanity I have left.

_Who was this Chris that she was meeting? Do they have a relationship_? I couldn't bear the thought of anyone but me touching her…making her scream in ecstasy. I've never thought of myself as a jealous son of a bitch, but I couldn't help it when it came to her. Despite everything that had happened, I still wanted her…I still loved her. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, _it's a shame it took getting jealous to realize that, fucker. _

I sat for hours, just watching the horse graze and trying my damndest not to think about the revelation I'd just had. I needed to talk to her, I needed to try and understand why she did what she did without flying off the handle this time. I could listen to what she had to say, and decide where to go from there.

When I got back to the house, her car still wasn't there. _It's eight o'clock at night, I seethed, she should have been home hours ago? How long does it take to drink a cup of fuckin' coffee? Not this damn long, I can guarantee you that. This is bullshit._ I got up, intending to go look for her, but Peter and Charlotte made me sit back down, telling me to wait, to trust her. _Trust her? Are you fuckin' kidding me? How in the hell can I trust her after everything she's done to me…hell, I'm not even sure I could trust them anymore._ There is so much that they aren't telling me, that they're keepin' from me, and…it fuckin' _hurts _that they obviously think more of upsetting Isabella than they do of upsetting me. _Traitors..._

Against my better judgment I decided to give her a little while longer. It was ten o'clock and there was still no sign of her. _Maybe she's busy fucking _the voice in my head helpfully pointed out. _Asshole._

I didn't realize I was pacing up and down until Char gave me hell about wearing a path in her wooden floor. I snarled at her…she laughed at me…_traitor._

Exactly thirty seven minutes and nine seconds later, I heard a car coming down the long drive. I only heard one heartbeat, so she must be alone…which is a good thing because I don't have a fuckin' clue as to what I would've done if someone else, if _Chris, _had been with her.

I was heading down the porch steps when I felt hands trying to restrain me. I just shook them off and continued in her direction before she could get out of the car.

"Jasper, be gentle", I heard Char whisper behind me.

I acknowledged her with a nod. I needed to get to Isabella, I needed to see if she smelled of sex… _if she doesn't then maybe I could start to trust her a little_…_if she does, then hell, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from killing her_. Call me an asshole, but I would much rather have her dead than knowing she was lovin' and sharin' what was _mine_ with someone else.

I walked up to her and gently grabbed the top of her arms as I took a deep, unnecessary breath and waited for the scent to reach me.

"Jasper! What the hell are you doing? Wait…are you fucking sniffing me?" Bella cried out, her voice indignant and…tired?

She tried to push me away and even though she's too weak to make me even budge an inch; she keeps shoving harder and harder until I rocked back on my heels. She smells like her; apples and vanilla but now there's a little fear mixed in there too. I love it. Something's a little off about her smell, but it isn't sex, I backed away from her and headed out into the night. God, I need to feed.

For the next few days I made sure I was always in her line of sight. If she walked into a room, I was already there. If she went riding, I was there when she left and when she got back. I waited for her to get back from class, hell I'd follow her there if I thought I could get away with it. The only place I don't intrude is in her bedroom; even I'm not that bad.

_Besides,_ _she'll invite me there herself soon enough_.

She's better at this game than I expected though; she ignores me, she looks straight through me, she leaves…nothing causes a reaction from her. The few occasions she has referred to me, it's always as 'him' or 'the visitor'. _I am nothing to her, I'm invisible_…and though I thought it wasn't possible, my heart broke even more.

After a lot of effort, I discovered, by accident, the only way to get a reaction from her. I was standing in the yard, pouring a bucket of water over my head to rinse off all the dirt and grime from workin' in the barn all day. I heard a gasp and felt her near me; the lust and longing pouring off her nearly brought me to the floor. I turned around to look at her and winked. Her blush, _my_ blush, spread from the apples of her cheeks and from experience, I knew the top of her breasts were a pinkish shade as well. I could smell her arousal and never wanted anything so badly in my life. I grabbed my shirt and chuckled as I made my way towards the house, somehow resisting the temptation to just grab her. _Game on! Let's see how long she resists now._

The next couple of days were pretty easy to carry on teasing her. I just made sure that I walked around in low slung jeans, boots and a Stetson. Hell, I'd walk around naked all day but I think Pete and Charlotte might complain about it if I did. Peter was already givin' me enough shit about carryin' on like a "cowboy-pornstar" as it was.

This morning though, things were a little different. She got up, talked with Pete and Char for a bit while she ate her breakfast and then headed out to saddle up Confederate. I heard her shout to Peter that she was going out riding and him yelling back a reminder that she's to go no further than the swimming hole, five miles out. She agreed and set off slowly. _Why isn't she allowed any further? Why are they __**so**__ overprotective of her? Why does she allow it? The Isabella I knew was fiercely independent, how…what..what the hell is goin' on?_

I immediately took off to get there first…to make sure I'm in the water before she gets there. Although I was tempted to just chuck off the jeans, I reluctantly left them on as I'm close to losing control around her as it is. It wouldn't take much to push me over the edge; hence, uncomfortable, wet jeans stay in place. I want her, God do I want her, but I would never force her. _Finally, you're behaving like yourself rather than an asshole. _I heard hoof beats on the path and knew she was close by. I stayed still; half submerged in the pool and wondered how long it will take her to notice me.

She just sat there, reins loose in her hands, oblivious to anything around her. She is so beautiful. A cowboy's fantasy; weathered hat tilted on her head, her legs wrapped round the horse, and sitting so still, even when Confederate moved impatiently underneath her. I could have gazed at her for years, never tiring of the sight, but eventually she sighed and threw her leg over the saddle and slid to the floor. Turning around, she finally noticed me.

"Don't you own a shirt?" she muttered.

_Five words, more than she had spoken to me since she yelled at mefor sniffing her. Progress, I guess. _I stood up in the waterand could immediately feel the lust spiking from her as she started chewing nervously on her bottom lip. The sight alone caused my own lust to grow. I stalked towards her, growling softly.

"I've seen you lookin' Isabella, you seem to prefer it when I don't wear one."

She blushed again, and then recovered quickly turning her back to me. I kept heading towards her anyway. I felt fear coming off her, but ignored it. I know I'm not gonna hurt her, of course if she asked me to I'd spank her bubbly little ass, my mama brought me up to always do as a lady asks.

"Stay away", she whispered, but I ignored her and kept moving closer. I was so close that I could kiss her if I wanted to. Suddenly, she turned, whipped back around with a shotgun in her hand, and pointed it straight at my chest. _She wouldn't really shoot me would she? Surely she knows it won't kill me._ I smirked and step closer and next thing I knew, I heard a bang.

_Holy shit, she shot me...she really fuckin shot me_! Snake shot at pointblank range doesn't do any damage, but that's not the fuckin' point here…she fuckin' shot me!

"You little hellcat, you need to cool off for a while!"

I picked her up and threw her in the swimming-hole. Ignoring her spluttering, swearing and splashing, I mounted her horse and rode back home, thinking that while I'm pissed at her for shootin' me, I do admire her balls for doing it. Plus, she did look damn sexy holding that gun. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Peter's in the yard when I get back, and when he notices that I'm on Confederate, his worry spikes and he runs over to me demanding to know what the hell I'm doing on 'his babies horse'. I told him that she shot me and he doubled-over laughing hysterically for a minute or two. Then he reacts, pulling me off the horse and shovin' me up against the barn, his hand wrapped around my neck. I could have shaken him off at any second, but decided to see where this was going.

"You left her at the swimming hole" he snarled and I nodded back.

"Is she still alive?" he sounds desperate now and again I nod.

"Is she hurt?"

I shook my head this time.

"She'd better not be fucker," he growled out as he let go of my neck and jumped onto the horse to gallop down the path back towards Isabella.

"She's the one that fuckin' shot **me**! Why are you goin' after **her**?" I shout after him, but he ignored me.

"Ya' know what, I hope she shoots you too!" I yelled. _You sound like a five year old _the voice in my head points out sarcastically. I tell it to fuck off.

Frustrated, hurt, and just not havin' the foggiest clue what I should do anymore; I headed into the house, picked up my cellphone, and called the only person I could trust anymore.

"Hello Rosalie"

**AN: **_**Isabella; Te quiera, Te odio. **_**Spanish translation: Isabella; I love you, I hate you.**

**Review please **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks once again to my awesome beta dcurley1 - I mean it when I say none of this would have been possible without you. Thank you for putting up with me panicking. Also, yes you were right Rose is perfect for this chapter and yes you were right too that I could write as her lol**

**J & K - you know what you did :P**

**Once again I do not own twilight, i own 2 cats, 1 husband and some nice black nail polish**

RPOV

"_Hello, Rosalie"_

"Jasper!" I answered, my hesitancy and shock probably evident in my voice. "H-how are you?"

To say I'm _stunned_ to be hearing from Jasper could possibly be the understatement of the century. It's been over two years since any of us have heard anything from him, and the last few occasions we talked, or even interacted with each other, were _far _from pleasant. _I wonder what's going on with him? Why is he calling now of all times? What's changed?_

"I don't know, Rose" he sighed. He sounded exhausted, run-down even, and I've gone from being surprised to worried. _If the empath, of all people, doesn't know how he is-what chance do the rest of us have of working it out?_ I'm tempted to ask why he's called, but I'm afraid of what his answer will be...and that I'll run him off..._again_.

It's been nearly five years to the day since anyone has seen or even really heard from him. Which means it's been five years since Isabella Swan died...and absolutely destroyed the man in the process. To say he'd taken her death hard would be a gross understatement, and if I'm honest with myself, I've never been able to shake off my own guilt from the whole damn mess either.

I have missed Jasper so much, and we've all been so worried about him...especially me. I _hate_ how much our relationship has changed. We used to be so close, closer than the others in fact- except for Emmett of course. But that all changed when Miss Swan entered the picture. Nothing was the same after he met her, and in the end, all anyone had to show from that little girl's manipulations were Jaspers broken heart and a series of damaged relationships.

"Jasper…what's going on?"

He sighs again and finally responds, "I'm so fuckin' confused, Rose. I've found my mate and...and...and I'm not sure how I feel about her or what to do or where to go or what to say or…I'm just so fuckin' confused about _everything_. I need your help, sis."

"Wait…what?" I stuttered, too confused and shocked...and confused to even put together a sentence. _No, I must not have heard him right, she's dead_. "Did you say…Jasper ah, did you say your mate?"

"Yep, you heard me right the first time. My mate. Isabella fuckin' Swan," he snarled.

"But…she's dead, Jasper. You know she is. Alice saw it, you saw her father grieving, and I know you watched her funeral." I'm beyond worried about Jasper at this point. I need to talk to Carlisle. _Is it possible for a vampire to go insane with grief? Or have hallucinations? What the fuck…._

"Is she dead? Is she really? Are ya' sure about that, Rose? 'Cause if she's dead...then why in the hell is she breathing, walking, talking, and fuckin' shooting people!"

_What the fuck? _"Are you sure about this Jasper? Maybe it's someone who just looks like her." I ask hesitantly...I don't want to offend him...maybe I misunderstood? _God, I hope I misunderstood and he hasn't lost his fucking mind. _

"I'm far from mistaken, Rose. She's _definitely_ Isabella; she smells like her, looks like her, moves like her, talks like her…it's definitely her." He growled out caustically.

"I wonder if the Alpha knows that she's still alive?" I mused, forgetting for a second that I'm still on the phone with him.

"I don't give a fuck, _she is mine_!" he snarled, distracting me from my errant thoughts. _Shit! I didn't mean to say that outloud. _

"Jasper…shit, I'm sorry, it was just a thought. I didn't mean anything by it. So um, where is she? Where has she been? What the hell has she been doing? And does she know that everyone thinks that she died? I mean, what the hell is going on with her?"

"The bitch is with Peter and Charlotte, and has been here for years by the sound of it. It's just one big, happy, fuckin' family here." He finally responded, sarcasm twisting his voice into something unthinkably harsher. It didn't take a rocket scientist to tell that things weren't going well for my brother. _That manipulative, game-playing little bitch, _I seethed to myself, _I'm not going to let her get away with hurting him any more than she already has. Now she's messing with the big Bitch, and come hell or high water the little bitch isn't getting away with it any longer. What is it that Truman used to say? Oh yeah, the buck stops here. In this case, the bitch stops here. I'm done._

For the life of me, I had no clue what to say. I mean, she was dead! Alice had seen it, and her father had buried her. _How the hell could she be alive? And more importantly, what the fuck is her end-game?_

"Rose, you still there?" he snapped, obviously losing what little patience he had which even on a good day was barely there.

"Yes, Jasper, I'm here," I answered quickly. "What happened to her?"

"How the hell would I know? She's not talking to me. None of them are. They're all keeping her little fuckin' secret. They've chosen her over me, Rose, and I don't know how to deal with it. You're the only person I can trust."

_Hmm, a pissed off Jasper? I could work with this. Honestly, if he continues to stay so angry and not as despondent and heartbroken as he's been for the last five years, then he might deal with this situation himself without me having to interfere…again. He could lose his temper and drain her, _I thought with a smirk on my face. _Now that would not only make our lives safe but also infinitely better. I thought 'the Isabella issue' was sorted out five fucking years ago when she supposedly died, but that girl must have more lives than a cat. I should have killed her myself instead of delivering her to her imprint. Not that I'd expected her to die then, I just thought she'd go back to him and forget about Jasper. How the hell did she get to Peter and Charlotte's house? What is she doing there? They are hardly being sympathetic to Jasper, maybe this will finally get him to see the light and break his ties with those backwoods-ass-rednecks for good. Maybe he'll even come home and we can be family again. I'll have to think about what we can do to help him through this…and how to get rid of her again...for good this time. Granted, his little comment about me being the only one he can trust does make me feel guilty again. He can't ever know that I betrayed his trust…or how I feel that her death was partly my fault…if she hadn't been in the woods, if she hadn't stumbled across a bear, if she hadn't made Jasper love her...But not anymore! The little bitch is alive and I not only wasted my time thinking about her, but I tore myself apart and lost my brother in the process! Bitch. _

"I'm assuming that she's still human, Jazz. Although with _their_ diet it's surprising. They aren't exactly known for their control after all. I'm amazed that they've taken a human in or are they keeping her as a little pet?"

"Of course she's human. Didn't you hear what I said? Why doesn't anyone listen to me anymore! She's taken them from me, Rose. They are taking _her _side over everything!" he growled.

"Sorry, Jazz. I'm just…well, I'm shocked. But I'm sorry you didn't think I was listening to you." I apologized.

"You think it's a shock for you? How do you think I fuckin feel, Rose?" The line went dead. I wanted to call him back, but his number was withheld…as always. He'd developed the habit of only using a phone once and then destroying it, making it impossible to contact him. _Asshole._

As I wandered back towards the house, I couldn't get my mind out of the past. I wasn't proud of what I'd done and it was something I'd felt guilty about ever since she'd died. _It was for my family,_ I had reasoned.

_I've wasted five years feeling guilty about Jasper's despair and that little human has been alive the whole time! How the hell was she still alive? Her father had told Carlisle himself that she was dead, why would he lie? How the hell did Edward not hear that she was still alive? That little bitch even manages to fuck things up for our family from beyond the grave._

I'd never met Bella personally. I knew who she was by sight though- her father was so proud of her, he never stopped telling everyone what a wonderful daughter he had. She'd come to live with him about a year or so before we moved to Forks. From what I heard, her mother had remarried and Bella didn't get along with either of them. She was nothing to me really, just another popular high school girl. I will begrudgingly admit to liking that while she was a rather popular girl throughout the town, she didn't have that nasty attitude that usually came along with it. It was refreshing…she seemed nice.

I'd caught her and Jasper making out in his car one day on my way home from shopping. I didn't say anything at the time because I honestly didn't believe he would really fall for a pathetic human. But as time went on they spent more and more time together and I started worrying about it coming to someone else's attention… someone more inclined to shoot first and ask questions later. I finally tried talking to Jasper about it, but he flew right off the handle and accused me of everything from being jealous-_which was fucking ridiculous…as if-bitch, please-_to wanting to spoil his happiness. I kept quiet for a while after that. _Fuck it, he's a grown ass man and can handle it himself_, I remember thinking to myself. But boy was I fucking wrong.

A few months after my not-so-effective conversation with Jasper, I was on my way home from a much needed solo-hunt when I heard people talking near the treaty line. Curious, I stopped and hid to find out what was going on. I could tell by looking at them that the two men were shifters in their human form. Luckily, I was upwind enough that my scent wouldn't alert them to my presence. To my great surprise, they were talking about Jasper's '_precious Isabella_'. I snuck in a little closer and heard one of them telling the other that she was _his_ imprint and that 'no fucking leech' was going to keep them apart. The second one agreed that they'd have to take action and get her back. I panicked and ran as quickly as I could to try and find Jasper, but he was nowhere to be found. I tried his cell but it was turned off. I was desperate at this point; I had to find a way to protect him, to protect all of us really. Although I knew he was one of the most feared vampires in existence, and rightfully so, I knew he couldn't take on a whole pack of wolves by himself. Besides that, we have the treaty with the wolves and whatever he and that lying little bitch were planning could destroy all of us. I had to do something.

I tried calling him, but after an hour or so I gave up on him answering his phone. _Asshole, he's probably with that damn problem and God-forbid his time with his "precious Isabella" be interrupted_. With that in mind, I snuck back to the treaty line, making sure to avoid making any concrete decisions in order to avoid Alice and thus the rest of the family. Not that they wouldn't support me helping Jasper, and they needed to know about Isabella's mind-games, but I knew they wouldn't approve of this and would instead wait for Jasper and use a 'diplomatic approach'. _Well, fuck that. She didn't use a diplomatic approach and it's obvious that her imprint, mate, whatever would stop at nothing to get her back. Why he, or Jasper, would bother with her is beyond me….destructive little bitch…_

I'd accompanied Carlisle on several occasions when he'd met with them in the past, and I was banking on them recognizing me and therefore knowing that I was coming in good faith. After waiting at the treaty line for what felt like hours, the Alpha _finally_ arrived in human form with his second-in-command by his side. They weren't happy to be there and I knew I had to tread lightly…and I was right. When I mentioned Isabella, the Alpha lost it and phased into a wolf right then and there. It took awhile for his partner to calm him down enough to get him to phase back into human form and even longer still for him to communicate with me rationally. It took several more hours before we finally reached an agreement: I would get the girl back on pack land and he wouldn't attack Jasper or the rest of my family. I wasn't proud of helping them, and I knew how much Jasper would be hurt by this, but the alternatives were just too horrific to think of. If I didn't step in, Jasper was either going to be killed by the pack or he'd be killed by the Volturi for letting a human in on our secret. Either way, my brother, and quite possibly the rest of my family, would be dead. Besides, when he realized the games that fucking girl was playing, he'd move on and finally fucking realize that she wasn't his "mate". I had done what was necessary to protect myself and those I loved. I just wanted to be safe and not to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of eternity. I would do it again in a heartbeat if the same situation arose in the future and I was obviously going to have to step in again now.

I realized that I was going to have to see the Alpha again and tell him that his bitch was still alive; it had to be me, no one else knew what happened before and just like then, I knew they wouldn't approve of my actions now. The family was all about diplomacy, compromise, and in general were a bunch of bleeding hearts. While I appreciated it most of the time, there are situations, like this one, that require blunt force…and I knew Carlisle couldn't do that. So again, it was left to me to clean up that little bitch's mess. I was hoping that this time, it would all be done and over with. First of all, there was no way that Sam, the Alpha, would just let her go. Wolves are like vampires in that way, when they imprint, or mate, it's for life. Hopefully he would go to where ever she was hiding, grab her, and sort this problem out once and for all. Secondly, if he didn't I'd just take care of it myself. I could contact the Volturi and let them know about Peter and Charlotte's houseguest, but that would involve Jasper and I didn't want him to suffer any more than he already has thanks to whatever spell the girl had over him. So, if Sam won't go down and get her, I'll just have to take a little road trip and eliminate the problem myself.

My phone rang again, this time it was Alice. _Shit! _I'd obviously triggered one of her visions. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. Skipping all the superfluous pleasantries, I just told her that I'd be home in ten minutes. I was really nervous about this. I knew I had to come clean and I knew they weren't going to be happy with me at all, but they had to see that I was protecting the family and didn't have any other choice. _All I have to do is convince them that I'm right, all I have to do is convince them that I'm right….all I have to do is convince them…they'll understand, they'll know…God, I hope I'm right…._

As soon as I walked into the house, I knew there was going to be a fight. Alice and Edward were waiting for me at the dining room table, which we ironically use as a meeting space, and neither of them look pleased…at all. Alice immediately jumped on me, yelling that I was doing the wrong thing and that I needed to stay out of it. I tried staying calm, I really did, but I eventually started yelling back I _was_ doing the right thing. I tried time and time again to reassure her that I was only thinking of the family's safety but she wouldn't listen and just kept saying that it was none of my business. _What the fuck? How can the safety of our family __**not **__be my business? Gah! Short sighted, bleeding heart…idiot! _Interestingly, she let it slip that she hadn't seen Jasper clearly in her visions for years, and that in recent weeks she hasn't seen him at all…as if his future has disappeared...which could only mean that he disappeared. They both started clamoring on about why this was happening, and if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it was something to do with that little bitch. I mean, Alice can't see the wolves and since they're the only ones that Alice can't see, they have to be involved…and the only link between what Alice can't see (the wolves) and Jasper is Isabella, it's obviously due to her. Maybe it was to do with Isabella being the Alpha's imprint, but I was honestly more scared that his disappearance from her visions indicated his death. Jasper wasn't exactly stable right now nor was he thinking clearly ….maybe he fights the wolves…who knows? All I knew was that it was that damn humans fault and I told them what I thought about it and her too.

Eventually, after I had to _repeatedly _point out that I wasn't getting involved for selfish reasons, they started listening to me. Granted, it wasn't until I brought up the Volturi but at least that got their attention. Both of them were a little freaked out by the thought of the Volturi getting involved in this fucking mess and with that thought in mind, they finally came to the realization that it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to the Alpha.

"Why would _you_ be the one to speak with Alpha? Why you and not Carlisle? I mean, in case you've forgotten, Carlisle is our leader, not you." Edward asked with a patronizing little sneer on his face. _Pompous little prick. _I quickly blocked my thoughts by mentally cataloging all the nail polish colors I own. He scowled at me, but knew that he could only read our minds with our permission, a rule that Carlisle instigated years ago. _Ha! Nosy little shit! _In a display of my vast maturity, I stuck my tongue out at him as the rest of the family entered the room.

"I need to talk to him about some information I was given earlier today." I responded, trying desperately to keep my mind from wandering back to my earlier thoughts and memories of the past.

"Jasper called me today." Everyone and I mean _everyone_, gasped at my announcement. _I can't believe I kept that out of my head_; I thought smirking to myself when I noticed Edward glaring at me.

"What did Jasper want? How is he? Where is he? What did he have to say?" Carlisle fired off, his shock and anxiety apparent in his voice. I briefly explained our conversation, but decided to leave out some of my more personal thoughts and feelings on the matter…it wasn't really any of their business…and I didn't want to get into it. Carlisle didn't say anything to me directly and just looked over towards Edward and Alice…which just pissed me off all the more.

"I can't see him anymore, his future is blank." Alice said, shaking her head in response to whatever Carlisle was thinking. Esme looked concerned, "Do you really think that the Alpha or the wolves are the cause of this blankness?"

"Definitely," I nodded. "I've reviewed many different scenarios in my mind and this is the only way I can see him having a future. If we don't do something now, he _will_ be killed by the pack. Or worse, the Volturi will get involved and we will _all_ pay the price for Jasper's obsession with the girl." Knowing Carlisle trusted Edwards gift implicitly, I quickly ran through some of my reasoning in my mind, being careful not to implicate myself. To my great relief Edward nodded grimly at Carlisle, "She's telling the truth, it's the only way to save the family."

"If it's the only way, then you better go speak to him as soon as possible." Carlisle stated flatly. I half expected him to insist upon accompanying me, but luckily he didn't offer. I left the house immediately and started running back towards Forks and the border of the treaty area. It would take a couple of hours to get there from our new home near Vancouver and I wanted to get this shit done with as soon as possible.

_Stupid boy,_ I knew Edward's gift was far from infallible and it was easy enough to get around with a little effort. You see, by concentrating on a specific thought, he can't hear what's going on in the deeper recesses of your mind. But he doesn't know this; I don't think he does anyway. Honestly, I don't know if he just doesn't want to admit it due to his massive ego, or if he really has no clue. No matter, my past and my feelings, especially about that manipulative little bitch, are my fucking business and no one else's. No one needs to know, and no one will know as far as I'm concerned.

When I got close to the treaty line, I pulled out my phone and sent a text letting him know that we needed to meet. Within seconds I had a response and I arrived at the border mere minutes later. He was already there and he was alone.

"She's alive, Sam."


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n Here's chapter 6**

**betad as always by the brilliant and deadly dcurley1**

**lemon alert (finally)**

**please review for me it makes Jasper happy**

BPOV

It was quiet, too quiet. I wasn't used to the house being empty, it didn't happen often. Peter and Charlotte were usually around somewhere, laughing, talking…or doing other, ahem…_stuff_. Hearing the rather amorous vampires having sex at all hours was just a little bit too much for me to handle. First of all, it was Peter and Charlotte…which was like listening to my siblings 'get it on'-_ew_. Ultimately though, it was just another reminder that I was alone…without my Jasper…without the one man I had ever loved, the only man I would ever love or want. Peter and Charlotte finally gave into my pleas a couple of years ago and soundproofed my little piece of the house, _thank you sweet baby Jesus. _Well, it was soundproofed enough for my delicate human ears, they could still hear me. In effect, my bathroom, bedroom and library really were a place of peace and I spent most days in here by myself; reading, studying, relaxing, hurting, crying, longing...

It was another warm and sunny Texas day, the sun was high and the air was still. It was a perfect day for doing something, yet, I was feeling lonely. Peter and Charlotte have been away since yesterday morning and wouldn't be back until they met me at my graduation the following afternoon. I hadn't seen Jasper since he'd thrown me in the swimming-hole five days ago, Peter was _furious_ with him for what happened and on top of chewing him out, he had banned him from coming within a mile of me. Oddly enough, he hadn't said anything to me about shooting Jasper which surprised me as I'd expected a 'lecture' at the very least. Hell, he didn't even ask why I had done it in the first place which was really weird as Peter is known for being just a 'bit' overprotective to put it mildly.

I love Peter with all my heart, and I am beyond grateful for everything he has done for me. And I'll begrudgingly admit that his overprotective nature does make me feel safe, secure, and loved…_sometimes_. But sometimes, I wish Peter would let me make these decisions for myself. I don't need to be treated like a child…it can be smothering…and sometimes I can't help but feel a little demeaned by it. I mean, come on, I'm a big girl and I'm okay now. Well, I was okay as far as they knew. I hadn't dared tell them about the extra pain I was in; they'd freak, I'd panic… and ultimately we'd get nothing done but fight and overreact.

As far as Jaspers concerned, I'm not really scared of him. Yeah, he scared me in the barn but that wasn't _entirely_ his fault. It was the memories that were triggered that frightened, well actually terrified, me so badly. Not Jasper. Never my Jasper. The Jasper I fell in love with, the beautiful man I gave my soul to, is kind, thoughtful, intelligent, sweet, and loving…oh, was he loving. Nothing like this Jasper. My Jasper was not the angry, dominant, hateful, cowboy that has turned my life upside down since he arrived here. Granted, this Jasper is just as enticing as my Jasper and loathe though I am to admit it, he is pure sex-on-legs. I'd never admit this to anyone, especially _him_, but I kinda' like this new Jasper, he makes me feel things that I didn't think I would ever feel again. _Do I make him feel this way too? Does his skin prickle when I'm near like mine does? Does he still feel nervous and euphoric butterflies like he used too? Does he still hunger and yearn for me the way I do him? STOP! Stop this Bella. Of course he doesn't feel those things for you anymore, you disgust him, remember? _I always knew he was too good for me, that there wasn't enough there to anchor him to me….but what I can't figure out is why he is so angry with me. _He's the one that left me! Why, why, why is he doing this? What have I ever done to deserve this from him! Especially now, he left me goddammit!_

Resigned and furious with myself for allowing my thoughts to tremble upon _that _path again, I shook my head in a desperate attempt to rid myself of Jasper, at least mentally. To get rid of these thoughts of _him_, these feelings for _him_…they are utterly useless and serve nothing more than to hurt me further. I can't go back in time and change what happened…and even if I could, I wouldn't change the months I spent with him for _anything_. _God, how that man, that vampire, that curse, has absolutely ruined me._ He's ruined me for anyone else, and it took me a long time to realize that. To realize that there is no chance that I will _ever_ feel for someone even a fraction of the way I did for him…the way I still do. I'll never want anyone like I wanted, want him. After Jasper, I can't imagine ever loving, adoring, dreaming of, or desiring any other man again and I especially can't fathom having sex with anyone else. He spoiled me, and how could I possibly settle for anything inferior? Besides that, I'd never even thought of a man _that, _or any other way, before I'd met Jasper, so it isn't a terrible leap to think I wouldn't be capable of it after him. God knows I haven't found another man even the slightest bit appealing since. Beyond that, after everything with Sam, I don't think that I'll ever be able to have _any_ sort of intimacy with a man again. My memories and fears are just too raw, even after five years. It took me a long, _long _time before I trusted Peter enough to let him _hug_ me, and I _trusted _him.

_That's it, I'm done with this train of thought….as a matter of fact, I'm jumping this train right off the tracks…_

Grabbing my book, I pulled my boots on and headed out into the yard. I wasn't up to riding today, I was entirely too tired and 'out of it' to stay in the saddle. _Well, you know the med's do this to you and as it progresses...NO! I'm not going there either. I'm curling up with a good book and distracting myself from the dramatic bullshit for an afternoon dammit!_

Escaping my whirling, and all too self-destructive thoughts, I quickly made my way into the cool of the barn, and after saying hello 'everyone', I made my way to one of my most favorite, and definitely the most peaceful, places in the world. Confederate greeted me with a soft whicker, his head nudging my hip, and he proceeded to nuzzle against my bare legs, making me wish I had put more than a pair of shorts on. I stroked his sweet face in return and gave a command 'play dead'. Taking my cue, he laid down and I sat in the straw next to him, leaning back to rest against him. I loved being here like this, no matter what was wrecking havoc in the world around, and inside, me, I was always able to center myself with Confederate. He's my companion, my best friend really...and as long as I keep feeding him carrots, he's quite happy to let me use him as my security blanket. The first time Peter found me reading against a 'dead' Confederate, he was stunned and a bit confused. _"Puss...you do realize that this is a horse, not a puppy..." _he said slowly as though he was speaking to someone with a learning disability. He now finds it hilarious that I've trained my horse "_like a puppy" _and routinely asks whether I'm going to litter train him or start using puppy pads to get him housebroken. _Ass..._

Unfortunately, the book I brought wasn't able to distract me enough and I again found my thoughts wandering back to Jasper…how we met, how I fell so hard and so fast for him, how irrevocably devastated I was when I found out he was only toying with me, the impossible recovery of my ongoing _ache _for him, the man I thought he was, the tender man who held my hand and whispered everything from poetry to song lyrics to all of the 'naughty' things he wanted to do in my ear, our first kiss, the first time he made love to me…

"_Darlin', are you sure about this"? He asked, hesitantly hovering over me. Though I was wracked with nerves, I nodded, encouraging him to carry on. His hand went lower across my belly, rubbing from hip to hip, and then he slid his fingers even lower…oh my...the feel of his fingers on my bare skin was indescribable. I couldn't help but shudder at the touch of his cold flesh on my overheated body. I wanted this, God how I wanted it, but I had also never been so scared in my life. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm my rollercoaster emotions, and heard him breathe my name before taking my earlobe between his lips. I opened my eyes…and was gone. He was looking at me with such adoration…such devotion...'love' is a trite concept in comparison to the warmth in his eyes. I had never wanted anything or anyone more than him, and at that moment, I thought I would literally bust from the love I felt for him, convinced that my physical body couldn't contain it all._

_His hand moved lower and lower, slowly sliding down to my inner thigh, and suddenly nervous again, I clamped my legs together effectively trapping his hand dangerously close to my...my uh...oh shit. What was I supposed to call 'it'? Vagina? Mmm-no, too clinical...pussy? Yeah no way, that's way too porny, advanced-class for me. I usually call it my trinket-well, in my head I do-but I don't want to come off as being immature...fuck my life. I'm never going to be able to do this right. I mean, we've gone further than this in the past, but today…this moment, everything was different. We weren't making out, we weren't succumbing to frantic hormones or the desperate need to just touch. No, right now, we were going to take that the final step. I was giving myself to Jasper in the most intimate and vulnerable way I could…I was giving Jasper, the man I loved, my virginity, my innocence…my complete devotion._

"_Breathe, Isabella" he whispered, trying to reassure me…but it wasn't working, I couldn't do this. What if I was awful at this? What if I smelled bad? What if he never wanted to do this again? I know it's going to hurt, but how badly? I've heard, and read, so many different things…what if it hurt too much? What if, what if, what if…crap I suck at this..._

_He kissed me and pushed his reassurance and love into me. I relaxed slightly and he started slowly and softly stroking my inner thigh, the pleasure gradually taking over my nerves and fears. I heard him groan and felt him nuzzling the side of my neck. His hand moved to cup my aching center and I felt the chill of his fingers teasing my slit. "Christ darlin', you're so ready for me…oh God, my love…" he gasped in my ear, and I couldn't help the traitorous blush that scorched my cheeks straight down to the curve of my breast. Oh God, is this bad? Is it too much? Is he going to think I'm gross? Oh sweet Jesus, he felt so good...but my nerves were started to take flight again...what do I do...what do I do...what do I do...where should I put my hands? Is this okay? Oh God, did I just moan? Was it too loud? Do I sound like a porn star? I don't think I can do this..._

"_That's a good thing, Isabella. A very good thing…" he chuckled in response to my panic. I could feel the burning blush on my cheeks but was quickly distracted as he continued to stroke and tease and fondle me…Oh God…oh, that was out loud…._

"_That's right, baby." Jasper mumbled, trailing kisses down my neck…down my chest…down my stomach. "Just relax and let me take care of you. Let me show you how good it can feel…how good I can make you feel…" Slowly crawling back up my body, his hands lightly stroked my waist and I felt him draw closer and settle between my thighs…He cupped my face, lovingly rubbing his thumb along the apple of my cheek. And although I was nervous and scared…and freaking out a little bit, well a lot, I had never felt so loved, so adored in all my life. He must have felt that, his soft smile told me so…told me I was right. _

"_This is going to hurt, Isabella, but I'll do what I can to make it easier" he said and started nudging at my entrance. My panic flared once again….how was it going to fit? Yeah, I know 'my girl' is stretchy, but he's not a small man…what if I'm defective-what if I'm not stretchy and can never have sex? I took a deep breath and forced myself to get it together. He had stopped moving but once my eyes opened and met his again, I felt him push into me slightly. It was strange…it was uncomfortable but the chill of his body was oddly soothing. I gasped and he asked if I was okay. I nodded; at this point I just wanted to get it over with. I was tired from my bipolar, marathon emotions and nerves…and I was tired of feeling this way. I just wanted to get the pain and weirdness and awkwardness done and over with._

_He pushed in further, shuddering as he filled me. He'd already broken my hymen-fear of the blood brought about some delightful 'playtime' in his hot tub about a week earlier. He came to a stop, and waited until he felt my pain diminish before he moved again. I don't think I'd ever found him to be more beautiful than he was at that moment. His golden eyes were dark with want but at the same time soft with emotion. The blonde curls that he had long ago given up on taming, brushed my forehead and he leaned in closer to me. His lips pressed against mine and as he slid his tongue along mine, he slowly started moving...pulling out, hips curling back in. The pain dulled, but it was still uncomfortable to be perfectly honest. _

_Apart from whispering his love, devotion, and desire, his lips never left mine. I relaxed a little more and gently thrust my hips against him. "Isabella…" he groaned and started pushing a little faster and harder against me._

"_Oh my love…my mate…" I gasped when he moaned this. His love for me was just that…special, meaningful…complete. His arms started to shake, and I felt him tense...softly chanting my name as he pulled his face away from mine, his eyes boring into mine._

_He held me for hours afterwards, which was my favorite part. I just wanted to be connected to him…forever. He was so loving and patient; even as I cried he never once let me go and whispered sweet nothings and promises of a beautiful future together. It was perfect…he was perfect…_

After that painful and awkward first experience, it had become _far_ more enjoyable; I loved Jasper, I loved sex, and saying that I loved sex with Jasper is an understatement of monstrous proportions. I couldn't help but laugh at the memories of the wanton woman he turned me into. Jasper was a sex-god who handed out orgasms like candy….and I was quite happy to be his diabetic little tart, or jezebel in his words.

_Dammit, _reminiscing about sex with Jasper wasn't going to help my mental state any. I pulled myself off the floor wincing slightly; I needed to do something, anything, to take my mind off the pain. I grabbed a bar of saddle soap, a toothbrush, and a sponge, hoping the repetitive actions would stop my self-inflicted mental torture. I walked over to the rack that held Confederate's saddle and started to lift it down onto a saddle horse when I noticed a post-it note stuck to the saddles horn. _'If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong'_. _Huh, well that's kind of weird. _Thinking Peter had meant to leave it for Charlotte; I put it in my pocket, intending to give it to her later. I took my time cleaning the tack, but it was still finished too quickly. _What now?_ I couldn't just stand around doing nothing, leaving myself defenseless to my own thoughts was just asking for trouble. Making my way out of the barn, I decided to go clean my room. As I leaned over to strip my bed, I found another note, _'If only you knew, how I refuse to let you go even when you're gone'_. The words seemed familiar somehow, but I couldn't work out where I'd seen them and decided to leave the mystery for now.

When I finished scrubbing, dusting, and polishing every surface I came across, I checked my watch and noticed that it was just past lunchtime. I didn't want to eat, more like couldn't, but I forced myself to have an apple and a glass of water; just enough to take my meds without getting sick. I had upped my pain pills slightly and hoped that they would work enough to get me through the day, while leaving enough to get me through the night. I knew the increased pain wasn't a good sign, and prayed to whichever deity was listening that it didn't mean what I thought it did. _Ah well, guess I'll find out tomorrow… _In the meantime the plan was just to grit my teeth and get on with it.

Repetitive tasks seemed to be the way to go today, so after cleaning the kitchen I darted back upstairs for my dirty laundry. After unloading the dryer, I made my way back up the stairs for another load and found a note stuck to my laundry basket, _'I don't regret any days I spent, nights we shared'_. I knew _that_ note couldn't be meant for Charlotte; for one, laundry was one of my chores, furthermore, I knew it hadn't been there earlier. I knew the note had to be for me but whether I found it creepy or sweet was up in the air. I decided against mentioning the notes to Peter or Charlotte, I wasn't sure how they'd react and until I could figure out how _I _felt about them, I'd just keep it to myself.

_Dammit! Stupid notes, stupid fabric softner..._too absorbed in my 'mystery admirer', I spilled fabric softner all over myself. Stripping down, I tossed my dirty clothes in the wash, and clad in my panties, darted up the stairs to shower. Stuck to the glass door of my shower was yet another note, _'The only thing I still believe in is you'._ Baffled and beyond confused, the only person I could think of was Peter, and if this is another of his jokes, he's taken it too far. _But wait... how could it be one of Peter's jokes when he isn't even here and that note hadn't been there when I'd showered when I got up this morning?_ _The only other person it could be is...no, Jasper wouldn't...no way, he hates me...but couldn't be anyone else..._

_Gah!_ I slammed my bedroom door shut, locked it, closed the shutters and the curtains, and threw myself on the bed. I turned my i-Pod on, cranked the volume up high, and buried my head under my pillow in a desperate attempt to empty my mind. _Just concentrate on the music...you're not allowed to think about Jasper...or his cabin in the woods right outside of Forks...or about sitting in his steaming hot tub on cold winter nights...you're not allowed to think about him at all._.. Concentrating on whatever was being played, I was stunned by the lyrics...it was some song by Shinedown...and those lyrics, those lyrics were my notes...

I must have fallen asleep because the next time I opened my eyes it was pitch black outside. Realizing I was still wrapped up in nothing but a towel, I pulled on a red sundress and wrapped my shawl around my shoulders. It wasn't cold, but I was far more comfortable covered up. I never go anywhere without covering my back and shoulders because...because...because..._yeah, something else to put on the 'I'll think about it tomorrow' pile_. I left my feet bare and wandered downstairs carrying my book, grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim with Jack and apple juice, and walked out to the porch. I settled myself into the swing chair, hell bent on losing myself in a story.

I was totally engrossed in my book when my phone beeped, and too my absolute embarrassment, I squeaked and jumped about five feet up in the air. Not only was I startled by the noise, but had no clue as to who would be texting me, Peter and Charlotte preferred to just call, and no one else has the number as far as I know. The text was from an unknown number and I quickly put it back down, intending on ignoring it but curiosity got the better of me and with some trepidation, I opened it. _'Hi Isabella'_...okay, now I was more than a little concerned, whoever was texting knew my name, _what the fuck..._ I didn't respond, I had no clue what to do, and decided to wait until Peter got home before I did anything else. A few minutes later it beeped again, _'You look pretty tonight, you always looked pretty in red'_.

Fighting the urge to lock myself in the house, as whoever was texting me could obviously see me, I answered the texts with a curt _'Who are you?'_ After what felt like an eternity, I finally got a reply _'Look up and you'll see'_. Swallowing my fear, I slowly looked up...and there he was. _Jasper..._He was standing at the other end of the porch, one knee bent, his foot resting on the house wall behind him, his phone in his hand. It was the expression on his face that really caught my attention; he looked so unsure...so vulnerable...it was a side of him that I'd never seen, he was _always_ so confident.

He was wearing jeans, as usual, but for once he actually had a shirt on; granted, the t-shirt fit him like a second skin, but it was a shirt nonetheless. He was barefoot and he wasn't wearing his hat either which was odd, his messy, blonde hair was partially tucked behind an ear and yet falling in his face at the same time. _How can one man look so delicious, vulnerable, and dangerous at the same time? _My phone beeped again _'I was wondering if you'd let me come a little closer Miss Isabella?'_. I didn't reply immediately and could see his face fall. _I just_..._shit, I don't know what to do! _I'm nervous and scared and excited and apprehensive and thrilled...and nauseous at all at once. I don't know if I can do this with him right now, I'm too tired...I hurt too much...The last time he was this close, he threw me in the swimming hole. Okay, yes, I had just shot him, but in my defense I told him to back off and he wouldn't listen. The only other time we were alone within close proximity to each other...well, let's just say he terrified me.

He turned round and started to walk away and before I knew what I was doing, I whispered for him to wait. He paused, but kept his back to me. His arms were in front of him, and I could see him looking down at something. Another beep, _'I'd be honored if you'd trust me enough to let me sit near you, I won't touch you, I promise'. _Before I could stop myself, or even realize what I was doing for that matter, I whispered yes. He slowly turned around and made his way back, keeping his eyes locked on mine the entire time. He lowered himself to the floor in front of the swing and leaned back right next to me, close enough to where I'd barely have to reach out to touch him, close enough to smell his shampoo, close enough to feel his t-shirt brush against my calf, so close...too close, yet, too far...My already flustered and manic emotions went haywire, my head telling me to run and lock the doors, my heart telling me to wait. My fingers were twitching with the _need _to run them through his hair, to touch him, to feel him, but I somehow managed to resist, and instead gripped my book and phone a little tighter.

I sat silently, waiting to see which of us would break and speak first. Finally, I heard Jasper sigh and ask what I was reading. I couldn't keep the smirk off my face when I told him I was finally getting around to reading _Gone With the Wind, _and I could feel the swing shake a little with his silent laughter. I closed my eyes as memories of familiar sentiments flooded my mind, _why are you reading this darlin'? It's not historically accurate you know_. He'd never grasped that I liked to read for the pure pleasure of it, I didn't care about accuracy. In this instance, I wanted to lose myself in the romance and angst of Rhett and Scarlett, if I wanted historical fact I'd pick up a non-fiction book. We sat for a little bit, talking about books, movies, and music, both of us guilty of avoiding the 'elephant in the room'. I knew it was a discussion that we would have to have, but tonight wasn't the night. My body, my mind, and my heart just weren't up to the beating tonight.

Jasper was true to his word, he didn't move from where he was sat next to my legs, though I could see him looking up at me occasionally whenever he thought my attention was elsewhere. He was asking me something but because I was lost in my thoughts, I didn't catch it and had to ask him to repeat himself.

"Your horse is somethin' else, darlin'. Where on _earth_ did you get him?"

"Oh, he's definitely something else", I laughed. "He was a Christmas present from Peter and Char the year before last. He was standing at the foot of the stairs when I woke up. God only knows how they got him into the house. I'm not sure who was more shocked me or the horse." I replied, smiling and shaking my head at the memory.

Jasper's laughter was infectious and it was just like it was before, laughing together, smiling, the feeling of sharing something with him warming something deep within me. I reached down and gently touched the back of the his head, twisting his soft, blond curls through my fingers. He froze, and I immediately started untangling my fingers but to my surprise, his hand came up and grabbed mine, stopping me. He slowly turned his head and pressed his lips against my knuckles, his cool breath brushing my skin. Goosebumps broke out all over me and I was instantly flooded with desire and need. I wanted more, I needed more, I wanted his kiss, I needed him, more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life.

"The notes today were from you, weren't they?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded slowly as his lips caressed the back of my hand again. I was trying to think of what to say when a wave of pain washed over me. _Shit, _I groaned to myself, _guess the drugs have worn off_. I tried to resist grimacing, but was unable to hold it all back, it just hurt too much.

"You're in pain, darlin'"

I tried to reassure him that it was nothing, _just a headache_, to no avail.

"You know I can feel what you're feelin', Isabella. You're in pain, a lot of pain. Why are you lyin' to me about it?"

I couldn't answer him, there wasn't anything I could say to him yet. Not until I spoke with Peter and Charlotte, not until I knew for sure what I was up against. Besides, anything I'd say he would likely construe as some sort of lie and beyond that, I didn't want him to know what was really going on.

"Why are you lying to me, Isabella? Why would you lie to someone who cares so much about you? I've missed you so much, baby, why?" he pleaded, his voice breaking. "Why did you leave me like that?" he whispered hoarsely.

He was still holding my hand dammit, he needed to let me go, I needed him to let me go...and what the hell did he mean by _'you left me'_? I just stared at him for a moment, blank and utterly confused.

"I didn't leave you..." I finally whispered.

**a/n**

**Lyrics: 'If you only knew' by the fantastically awesome Shinedown**

**big shout out to Undasque, Simplyjanice and jaspersdarkstar - y'all know what you did**

**Here's the begging for reviews bit, please leave one :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own twilight - how do I know? Well I'm English and SM isn't!**

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed, alerted, favorited, pimped and generally made me squee like an idiot. Please, please, please leave me some love when you've read it. I can't promise it will make me write faster but it will make me look like an idiot while I dance round the house after reading them.**

**Thanks as always to my beta dcurley1, you rock my world girl (but not with the RHCP or Nirvana 'kay)**

**Thanks also to my very naughty friends and fellow 'Whitlock Whores' - Simplyjanice, Undasque and Jaspersdarkstar. They all have awesome fics that you really should read.**

**Also credit to idreamofeddy for Peter 'just knowing shit'**

**This chapter contains M rated content - if you don't want to read it pm me and I'll let you know what happened**

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

"Chief! A Whitlock something or other is holding on line three for you!"

"Thanks." I muttered, stepping into my office as quickly as possible, praying that no one noticed my nervous response. I took a deep breath in a desperate attempt to control my nerves. _Oh God, what's happened? _The only Whitlocks I know call me only in case of an emergency.

"This is Chief Swan, how ca—," I started to answer but immediately fell silent at the sobbing on the other end of the phone. _Oh sweet Jesus, no. This can't be it. No, not my baby. Dammit!I can't even say her name out loud. I don't think I can wait to find out. Goddammit, I'm gonna have to wait._

"I have your number and will return your call as soon as I can." I said, keeping my voice firm but calm. I had to sound detached; I couldn't afford to give anything away without potentially causing her harm, but what I really wanted was to find out why my baby was calling me in tears, hell, why she was calling me at all. We have to maintain silence for her safety, she knows this. _Something is wrong, something is really wrong_, I thought.

It took all of the self-control and strength I possessed to hang-up the damn phone, but somehow I did it and quickly copied the number from the ID.

She isn't supposed to call me, she knows this. Though it kills me, it's for her safety. Once a month I receive a new disposable, cell phone with a note attached with the time and date I can call. The phones are never sent from the same place, are never packaged alone, and are destroyed immediately after being used. It's a pain in the ass to be honest, but her safety is paramount; it's the only thing I care about, the only thing I have left to care about.

When I'm finally able to slip out of the office without causing suspicion, I find an empty parking lot on the outskirts of town and call my baby girl. My hands tremble a bit as I dial the number she called from. _This can't be good. God, she's been through enough, too much. Please, please let her be okay..._

"H-hello?" I hear her choke out around a sob. _Oh no..._

"Honey? Bella, is that you? Are you ok?"

If she's in trouble and calling me about it, it has to be serious. Unfortunately, we don't have the best relationship anymore. We were close once, but now…now I get the feeling that she only talks to me because Peter and Charlotte make her. She's suffered _so _much, especially over the past five years, and some of that was my fault. _If I had only listened to her. _God knows my poor girl paid a heavy price for my ignorance and pride, a price that no one should ever have to pay.

"Daddy!" She wailed, "I need you. I'm in t-the hospital. The ca-cancer has come back and I'm so sc-scared!"

"Daddy?"

"Bells, baby calm down." I, somehow, finally managed to respond. "I'll be there as soon as I can get away. It might take me a few days, but don't you worry baby girl. Daddy's on the way."

Dammit! God, I can't let her hear how badly I'm panicking, how devastated and yet at the same time, how absolutely dumbstruck I feel. _She needs me to be calm, she needs me to be strong…_I keep repeating to myself, praying to God I'm at least coming off that way because I'm sure as shit feeling anything but calm and strong right now. _She's my baby, dammit! _I have absolutely no clue as to what I should be saying to her right now. _Shit! I don't even know where the hell she is! _

Ultimately, I accept that there is nothing I can say that will make this any better for her and just do my best to soothe and support her. I ended the call and tried to figure out the best way to get to her. Thanks to that Godforsaken tribe, I can't just announce that I'm going to Texas to get my baby. Instead, I have to find a way to get down there and get her without some nosy bastard wanting to know the reason why. I need to think, to plan, to find a way without arousing suspicion. As I tried to figure out how I'm going to take care of Bella, my thoughts turn to the last time I saw her.

_I was sitting at home, drinking a few beers, and watching a Mariner's game. Bella wasn't there; she'd gone to Seattle for the weekend with her mystery boyfriend to celebrate graduation. I can't say I was happy about it, but she was eighteen and therefore an adult, as she reminded me. She'd also threatened to move out if I gave her any more of a hard time about it, too. I called him the mystery boyfriend because she'd never seen fit to introduce him and that alone made me suspicious. _

_I was halfway through a six-pack and the Mariners were up by three, when I heard someone hammering frantically on the door. I honestly thought whoever it was either going to break it down or beat right through it and I instantly knew that whatever was going on wasn't good at all. I grabbed my gun and threw the door open as quickly as I could…and was stunned into complete inaction and disbelief. There, right before my bleary eyes, was Paul Lahote, a member of the wolfpack…and he was holding someone. A girl. A bloody girl with brown hair. My baby. _

"_Charlie! I don't know what to do! She was in the woods, I...I..."_

_His speech was so unnaturally stunted, so hesitant. Paul is one of the bluntest, most brash individuals I've ever met. He never holds back. It was like he couldn't tell me, like something was stopping him._

"_I brought her here as quickly as I could," he stammered out as I pulled him through the doorway. I made him put her down on the couch, and turned him around for an explanation. What the fuck was going on?_

"_I can't stay; if I do the pack will come after her!" And with that he was out the door, running into the woods as frantically as he had arrived. _

_I knelt down beside Bella and tried vainly to see the extent of her injuries. She was barely breathing and her heart rate was too slow. The clothes she was wearing were blood stained and torn and her face was bruised and swollen, almost beyond recognition. It looked like she had been attacked by some rabid animal; there were what looked like animal bites, scratches and gouges everywhere. Her back was covered in what appeared to be claw-marks, it looked like she had been through a meat grinder. Dear God…What on earth happened to my baby? I was so confused, so stunned, so…I don't know, baffled and shocked. I didn't know what to do, who to call, where to bring her. I just didn't know…_

Even after five years, I still don't know how she survived. In my profession, I've seen some horrific injuries, I've seen what I thought was the worst of humanity. But my daughter, and the hell she has somehow survived, takes the fucking cake.

_Suddenly the front door slammed against the wall with such force that I jumped to my feet. And there in my living room, looking as if they owned the place, stood two people I'd never seen before. Two people I was fairly certain weren't human. _

"_Who the hell are you? And what the hell do you want?" I yelled, my body tense, finger twitching near my gun. I needed to protect what was mine-my already injured daughter. _

"_Don't be alarmed" the female said softly. "We won't hurt you, we want to help you. I'm Charlotte Whitlock and this is my husband Peter."_

_Help me? How the hell could they help me? What did she mean they wouldn't hurt me? Slowly, the strange woman gently bent down and gingerly started to pull Bells' clothes away from her wounds. I could tell that she was trying her best to be gentle, but it was just making her bleed even more. Bella didn't make a sound and if it weren't for the gentle rise and fall of her chest, I would've been convinced that she was dead. _

_Charlotte stood back up and went into the kitchen. She reappeared with a washcloth, the first-aid kit, a bowl of water, and started to gently clean Bella's wounds. I couldn't believe the amount of blood that was dried up Bella's skin. I didn't think it was possible to lose that much blood and still live. _

_Bella moaned in pain and Charlotte immediately stopped and asked her if she was making the pain even worse. To my utter relief, Bella croaked out a no in response. _

"_Who did this to you, baby?"_

"_Bella, I need you to tell me who hurt you so I can deal with them. Please sweetheart." _

"_Isabella Swan. You tell me right this minute who hurt you!" I know I was being irrational, I know I shouldn't be yelling at her, I know that it wasn't her that I was angry at but goddammit, I needed to get across to her. I needed to know. I needed to make it all better. _

"_I can tell you who did this," Peter finally spoke. His voice was quiet with a soft southern drawl, though there was definitely an edge to his tone. "It was that mangy pack of mutts!"_

_No, I couldn't believe that. Hell, I didn't want to believe it. Why would the pack hurt her? Sam loved her. He'd sat down with me and Billy a few months ago and told me about the pack. They said that Bella was his imprint, his soulmate, his destiny. He couldn't-wouldn't hurt her. _

_Billy was my oldest and best friend, I trusted him implicitly. His son, Jake, was a year younger than Bella and they grew up together. When Billy told me that Sam had imprinted on Bella, I was stunned and more than a little apprehensive. I knew Sam, a little, and respected him enough, but this was my little girl we were talking about. My very independent little girl who wouldn't want her choices taken away because of some mystical connection._

_Sam had already tried approaching her numerous times, to no avail, and was evidently suffering because of it. And because the Alpha was suffering, so was the pack and the entire tribe would as well. So, I promised Billy that I'd help Bella see that Sam was the perfect choice for her. She and I talked about Sam a few times and she insisted that she felt nothing for him and that she was happy with the guy that she hadn't even bothered to introduce me too. I knew he came around, but I never managed to catch them together and I couldn't help but wonder what the big secret with him was. There had to be something going on with him if she wouldn't even bring him to meet me. _

"_NO! They wouldn't have hurt her!" I snapped. "They are protectors. Why in the hell would they do this to her? She's the imprint of the Alpha. She is sacred to them. No, no, I don't believe this!" _

_Peter just laughed bitterly in response. "Some protectors! They sat and watched him hurt her!" _

"_What do you mean he hurt her, Sam wouldn't do this. They said she just needed to be with Sam to realize that he was hers and that she was his," I said, walking towards the phone. "I'll call Billy and get this straightened out, you must have misunderstood. There is no way that Sam would have hurt her." _

"_No!" Peter bit out while blocking my path to the phone. "You can't call him, you can't tell him she's still alive."_

_He was testing my last damn nerve. "Now listen here boy, Billy wouldn't have lied to me, I've known him all my life. He wouldn't have done anything to put Bella in danger, she's like a daughter to him. There has to be some other explanation." I was trying to make him understand but it didn't seem to be working. "She wasn't even supposed to be here, she was in Seattle for the weekend with her boyfriend, how the hell did she get into the woods?"_

"_Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute, Chief? I'll try and explain what I can."_

_I nodded and followed him through, looking over my shoulder at Bella and Charlotte as I did. Peter followed me and leant against the table, running his hands nervously through his hair. _

"_Honestly, as much as I'm thankful that I have this 'gift', it's also a complete pain in the ass as it's not terribly reliable. Accurate, hell yeah. But reliable as in it will always work when I want it too, hell naw._

_Anyhow, I had that feeling earlier today and that feeling lead me straight here. Lead us to Isabella. I knew we had to get here as quickly as possible and I knew that whatever we found we were gonna care for."_

_I looked at him long and hard, honestly questioning his sanity, before I asked, "So…you're telling me you're psychic, son?" He had to be bullshitting me, this was fucking ridiculous._

"_Sometimes…shit, this is hard to explain. Sometimes, I get these feelings. Feelings that tell me things like…I should be somewhere at a specific time, or someone is important, or I'm going on to meet someone on a vacation. Sometimes, I get a lot of details with the feelings; like names, appearances, histories, and shit but other times I don't get squat other than be in this area around this time._

"_To answer your question, no, I'm not psychic. I just knew that we had to come here. I'm asking you to trust me, to trust us. I know it's difficult to trust a complete stranger, especially in these circumstances, but I need you to know that we would never hurt a single hair on your daughter's head." He looked me straight in the eye "I promise you that we will never harm her."_

_My gut instinct; that of a protective father and honed by years of law enforcement experience, was telling me that he was telling the truth, to trust him even. But I didn't honestly know whether to kick him out of the house or to listen to him a little more. Trust him? How the hell could I trust him? How the hell could I trust anyone anymore? I guess it was time to take a leap of faith; besides, his wife was caring for my daughter…his wife, the not-so-bloodthirsty vampire…Christ…_

"_I can't say for sure how she ended up in the woods; you'll have to ask her that later. When we got there, the pack was watching the Alpha with Bella. He was...eh, he was...fuck." He paused and ran his hands over his face, before taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Jesus, is he shaking? _

_He finally lit the cigarette and continued speaking, "He was violating her, Charlie. When he finished," he paused, looking me hard  
in the eye. "When the sumbitch finished, he stood up and said 'Guess  
she wasn't as strong as I thought. Dispose of her if she dies, otherwise, if she's still alive in the morning she's mine'. With that he walked away and left her there. I couldn't get to her in time to stop it," he choked out. "He was finishing by the time we arrived."_

_And for that I'm truly, truly sorry Charlie."_

"_W-what," I snapped, lost in so many contradictory messages that I couldn't even see straight. But then…then I realized something Peter had said. "Wait, you said violate. Do you mean he..." I couldn't say the words out loud. Not my Bells, not Bella. Not my baby…_

"_What do you think I mean, Chief?" He whispered._

_The weight of it all came crashing down upon me; I couldn't feel my legs underneath me and I sank to the floor, my head in my hands. I couldn't believe that this had happened to my baby girl. She'd come here to live with me after her mother and stepfather told her that they didn't want her anymore, that she cramped their style. She had come here to be loved. She had come here to be safe. Safe…I didn't keep her safe…oh, God. _

_I was so glad that I'd finally got custody of my baby, but now I wished that she'd never came here, that she'd stayed safe and sound in Phoenix. This was my fault! My entire fault, I'd put my trust in the wrong people. I should've listened to my daughter. She kept telling me that Billy and Sam were wrong. That she didn't trust them, didn't like them. She begged me to keep everyone from La Push away from here, especially Sam. But I didn't listen; in fact, I'd blatantly ignored her wishes and instead did the opposite. I'd failed her as a father. And nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do would ever make it right to her. _

_Suddenly, I realized that Bella probably needed an ambulance, a doctor, more help than just wiping the blood off of her poor battered and abused body. With wobbly legs, I got off the floor and lurched towards the phone. But before I could grab it, Peter put his hand out and stopped me._

"_No, I'm sorry Chief Swan, but you can't call anyone just yet. We have to work out our story first." _

_How the hell did he know what I was thinking? What did he mean we have to get our stories worked out?_

"_Your little girl will be okay, but only if the mutts don't find out that she's alive. If they realize that she survived, he will be back for her, I can guarantee you that. So, she needs to get out of here as quickly as possible."_

"_We've got two choices the way I see it; first, you can send her to the hospital with hope that they don't come after her. I very much doubt that'll work by the way. Or second, you can let us take her, and let them believe that she's dead."_

"_Why the hell would I let her go with you? I don't even know who you are!" I shouted. "You could've been the ones that did this to her for all I know!" As soon as I said those words I wanted to take them back, I knew deep down in my gut that I was wrong. I knew that these people weren't responsible for what happened to Bells, I just didn't want to believe any of it. _

_Deep down, I knew that this man was telling me the truth and I could see that he and his wife cared based upon the gentle way that she was cleaning and caring for Bella. But what I didn't know, what I couldn't understand, was why Sam that did this to her? Why the whole goddamn pack just sat around and allowed it to happen. I thought she was his imprint. Billy explained that he would be whatever, whoever she wanted or needed him to be in her life, and I didn't think for a second Bella would have wanted to be beaten and raped. Plus, what about her mystery man? How did he fit into this picture? Where was he when her world was being torn to bloody shreds? Did he know? Was he part of this with the pack?_

"_Daddy?" Was all it took and I was suddenly dragged out of my thoughts by Bella moaning my name. I knelt down on the floor near her and took her hand in my own. _

"_Daddy, I want to go with them."_

_You could've heard a pin drop in the room; I swear my heart stopped beating._

"_Bella, baby, are you sure? We can sort something out here. We don't know them, I need to get you…something, I need to get you taken care of sweetie. We can worry about everything else, including who they are and what they want, later, okay?"_

_I watched as she struggled to sit up. The woman tried to make her stay where she was so that she could continue nursing her wounds, but my stubborn daughter managed to raise herself up a little. _

"_I'm going with them Dad, and you can't stop me." Her tone, so weak and yet reverberating with strength and conviction, were enough to make me realize that there wasn't another option at this time. I had to trust these strangers with my most valued jewel. My Bella. It didn't stop me trying to get her to stay though._

"_Bells, you can't go with them honey. We don't even know who they are. You're better to stay here with me, not go rushing off with strangers. I can protect you."_

_She looked at me, and I had to look away, I couldn't bear to see her like this, bruised and beaten. "Daddy, I am going with them and you cannot stop me. How can things get any worse with them than what they are now?" She paused, taking a deep, shaky breath._

"_You want to know what happened with Sam. Well, I'll tell you, Daddy. He pulled me into the woods. I was screaming and fighting and trying to get away, but he hit me and told me to shut the fuck up." She hissed, her voice growing colder, more removed._

"_Sam kept yelling at me; telling me that I was his, that I belonged to him. I tried to tell him that I wasn't and that I never would be, but he wouldn't listen. He hit me again in the face and broke my nose. He beat me, all the while he and that goddamn pack of fucking dogs kept growling at me, telling me to submit to my 'mate," she spat. "I still wouldn't submit to him, though. I knew he was wrong, that they were all wrong and I stood my ground and refused to give in."_

_It started to get dark, I was scared Daddy. So scared. We'd been there for hours and he wasn't letting up, wasn't stopping. He threw me to the ground and…and he…he r-raped me. Daddy, he raped me." She was sobbing, her fractured voice breaking, tears streaming down her battered and swollen face. I went to take her in my arms, to take it all away, but she flinched away me and leaned into Charlotte. _

_She took a deep breath and continued, her voice eerily distant and clinical. "He raped me more than once; I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry. I-I had to sub-submit to him. I couldn't take it anymore." She paused, closing her eyes and pressing herself as close to Charlotte as she could. _

_Peter, I had noticed, had moved to her side and was slowly stroking her hair, soothing her in a way I wish I could, in a way I wish she would let me. Those fucking….gah! There are no words, no fucking words to express the rage and disgust building inside of me and I swear to whatever fucking deity they hold dear, there will be consequences for this, they will fucking pay for harming a single hair on my daughter's body. _

"_At some point, I'm not really sure when, they all walked away and left me. Well, except for Paul, I think. I don't know, there was someone else there. Someone of their kind brought me here, I think it was Paul, I don't really know to be honest. Peter and Charlotte are right. Sam will kill me if I stay here, I have to get away." She winced in pain "You say you can protect me, Daddy? You kept pushing me at Sam and look what happened. I tried to tell you over and over and over again that I didn't want Sam, but you wouldn't listen. You, Billy and Jacob all tried to push me to him, why didn't you listen to me, Daddy?"_

The hardest thing I'd ever had to do was let Bella leave with them. Before they left, Peter explained that he owned a large ranch somewhere and that he'd keep Bella safe, and would make sure that as soon as she was well enough that she'd go to college as planned. Charlotte got Bella's wounds dressed and changed her clothes while Peter went out into the woods behind the house and left Bella's torn and bloodied clothes there to make it to look like she had been attacked by a bear; that way the pack would hopefully believe that she had died. Which they eventually did, but not after destroying my daughter and taking my heart with them.

The next few weeks were hell; I had to play the grieving father, stop myself from throttling every lousy piece of La Push shit that came across my path, as well as inconspicuously guide the detectives sent to look into Bella's disappearance and later, her subsequent death. As it was a conflict of interest for anyone in my office to be involved, the Mayor contacted the State and detectives from nearby Port Angeles were sent to investigate. I didn't argue when they said that it was obviously a wild animal attack, and tried to subtly reinforce the clues left to swing their opinions that way. The only person who really questioned Bella's disappearance and death was the chief physician at the local hospital, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I thought it was incredibly odd that he would ask questions, or even get involved really, but I stuck to the story and he eventually left it alone.

I knew the truth though, and I made sure that Billy, Sam, Jacob, and every other son-of-a-bitch from La Push knew that I was all too aware of what they did to my daughter, and that I would never fucking forget either.

I made what would be my last visit to the reservation and told them in no uncertain terms that it was their fault that my daughter was dead. I told them exactly what I thought of them, the things I would love to do to every single one of the pathetic shitbags if given the chance, and what I thought they had waiting for them-damnation. I haven't seen any of them since that day, and hell would freeze over before I saw them again. I couldn't really press any charges as who would have believed me? I mean, giant wolves mauled and raped my daughter? Oh but don't worry, she was saved by one of them and taken away by vampires for safety. Yeah, I'd have been in the asylum before I could have finished the sentence.

Surprisingly, her funeral was rather large, especially considering how introverted she is. The amount of people who turned out for it made me realize how much she'd been loved. Well, loved by _most_ people, her fucking mother didn't even bother to attend. Renee had always been flighty but to think that she cared so little for her daughter astounded me. I'd always had the lingering thought that she'd seen Bella as her meal ticket, but her lack of concern for Bella's disappearance followed by her complete absence at her funeral, just confirmed it for me. _Bitch..._

Her boyfriend, the mystery man, was also nowhere to be seen. Someone did say that they'd seen a blond-haired man standing at the edge of the woods watching, but when I turned round to look he was gone. There have been a few times when I've thought I've seen him since, especially in the beginning. I would feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise, and I could swear I could hear soft sobbing coming from her bedroom sometimes. But when I'd check, there wasn't anything there. Her grave was also meticulously cared for, which I know I didn't have a thing to do with. Not that I didn't want to, but there was never a chance for me to do anything other than bring the occasional trinket or flower to keep up appearances. The marble of her headstone was always polished and spotless, and the ground surrounding her grave was covered in what I later found out were primrose bushes. The cemetery caretakers didn't know who planted them or when they came, only that they were there along with the monthly, mystery bouquets of roses, bluebonnets, and other flowery stuff. It had to be the boyfriend; no one else would do something like that.

As I pulled in the driveway, I slowly brought myself back to the present. Right, now to work things out. I needed to get away, to get to Bells. I knew it would take a few days to sort things out and needed to leave with as little fuss as possible, and most importantly, without arousing suspicion. Wondering if I could take a few days holiday and disguise my trip to Texas as a fishing trip, I turned on Bell's computer and tried to do some research. But, my thoughts kept straying back to five years ago.

Paul Lahote, the boy that brought her to me, had suffered for his actions. The pack had turned on him and had cast him out for a while. He lost his place in the pack, and his reputation on the reservation for disobeying the Alpha. I'd not had much to do with him since that night; we nodded in passing but didn't talk about it. I put in a good word and managed to get him a job with the police force as my way of thanking him for saving my daughter's life, not that he knew I had anything to do with it, he of course, didn't know she was still alive. I wanted to tell him, but I remembered Billy telling me about the pack mind bullshit and Sam finding out my baby was still alive was the last thing I wanted to happen.

Peter and Charlotte were true to their words. They'd looked after Bells very well over the past five years; carrying her through dark times when she needed those most and giving a gentle push when needed. She seemed happy with them and although our conversations were forced at best, she always spoke warmly of them. She wanted for nothing with them and in fact, she almost seemed spoiled at times. I knew that they kept her bank account healthy and encouraged her to concentrate on her education, never complaining when she changed her major-which she did…often. They'd even bought her a horse, something she'd wanted since she was a little girl…and I'll be honest, as much as it made me smile knowing that they love her so much, I'm jealous. I want to be the one caring for her, providing for her, spoiling her. But I know that I can't right now…if ever.

They were patient with her but firm, they didn't let her forget who her family was, but let her make her own choices and decisions. They did try to get her to call me more often, but once a month was all she would agree to. It felt like if it was up to her, we'd never speak. It was more than apparent that they loved her and considered her one of their own. I couldn't ask for anymore than that; people to love and cherish my daughter while caring and providing for her in all the ways I couldn't…because of those no-good, dirty, goddamned wolves.

Now, I knew that Peter and Charlotte weren't human. I didn't know all the details and to be honest, I didn't, and don't, want to. They said it was safer if we shared information on a need to know basis and it's worked so far. Bella loved them and trusted them and it was enough for me. I would always be grateful for what they did for her.

There was one point though when I was worried she wouldn't talk to me anymore. She'd been with them for a few months and I'd tried to question her once about her mystery boyfriend. She quickly shut the conversation down and wouldn't talk to me until I agreed to drop the subject— forever. So I shut up.

I grabbed a cold beer out of the fridge and sprawled on the couch. If I looked hard enough, I could still see faint traces of Bella's blood on it. I realize it was morbid to keep it, but something made me not throw it away, it was one of the few links I had left to her. It kept me strong and acted as a reminder that one day I would get my revenge on the people that had hurt her, that had forced her to leave her home, her family and her friends, that had abused her body, mind, and spirit. I had promised Peter that I wouldn't go after them alone, and would wait patiently, to bide my time until the opportune moment. And boy, were there days when I practically salivated for that moment…

A few days later, I was sound asleep when I was startled awake by the sound of the telephone.

"Swan residence," I answered, my voice rough and cracking with sleep.

"Charlie, it's Paul Lahote."

I was awake now, this could be anything from work to Bella…no way was I going to go into this conversation with my guard down. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated Paul and think he's gotten a rough deal, but it doesn't mean I trust him.

"Why didn't you tell me she was still alive Charlie."

_Oh shit, oh fuck me. Wait a minute, how the hell does he know that?_ My body felt as though it was turning to ice, the fear coursing through my veins making me rigid.

"Paul, I —"

"Sam knows, Chief! He knows she's alive. He was talking to that blonde, Cullen girl earlier. She told him Bella was alive. He's pissed off, Charlie! It's only a matter of time before he tries to find her and if he does…well, Jesus Christ, I can't even imagine what will happen. You need to run Charlie, you need to hide. He's coming. He's coming after both you and Bella, he knows you lied. "

* * *

**a/n In the language of flowers, primroses stand for eternal love**

**Thanks again to everyone that read, favorited, reviewed and alerted Tiger Stripes - I really do appreciate it.**


	8. Chapter 8

_**a/n **_

_**Well here it is another chapter, hope you enjoy it. **_

_**Thanks and hugs to my awesome creative beta dcurley1 – if it wasn't for you I'd have gone insane by now**_

_**Thanks also to my fellow Whitlock Whores (in no particular order) Undasque, Simplyjanice, Jaspersdarkstar and Truesky. I 3 all of you **_

_**And I guess y'all know by now that I don't own twilight **_

**PPOV**

"Can you believe Bella's graduating today?" Charlotte whispered excitedly.

"Nah. I mean, c'mon Char, what _didn't_ that girl major in? I sure didn't think we'd ever make here with her constant flip-floppin'." I said, snickering as Char poked me in the ribs. I reluctantly stopped, rolling my eyes and muttering under my breath about her majorin' in indecision. _What? I'm not wrong._

It was well past time for Bella to meet us and I was getting a little worried. I tapped my foot impatiently, while looking at Char and feeling my anxiety rise. Puss is a lot of things, but late isn't one 'em. The girl was down-right anal about being on time.

"Where is she anyway?" I grumbled. "She should have been here over half an hour ago."

I stood up, intending on going to look for her, but Char grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.

"Honey, she's obviously just running late and it doesn't look like all the other kids are here yet either. So sit down and stop fidgeting," she chided, rubbing my knee gently as I sat back down and leaned into her. After all these years, she was still the only person who could always settle me down.

We sat through the graduation and by the time they called her name with still no sign of her, we were both in panic. She didn't turn up for her own graduation; something she had worked so hard for, something she had looked forward to and anticipated to the point of near mania. For her to miss this something was definitely wrong — something was very, very wrong.

We tried her cell repeatedly but the damn thing was switched off.

"Baby," Char whispered, "we need to get the house, now."

It was difficult to keep to a human speed as we rushed home, praying that there was some sort of clue or sign or note or anything fuckin' thing that would let us know where she was and what she'd been doin'. This was supposed to be one of the most important days of her life. What the hell could have been more important than being there?

As we pulled down the drive and closer to the house, I was baffled by the only missing car. _She always takes one of the muscle cars, what the fuck is the Prius doin' missing? _That was just somethin' else to put in the 'somethin' ain't right' pile. But at least she hadn't stolen, ahem,_ borrowed_ Jasper's car this time. _Thank you baby Jesus for small blessin's, _I thought to myself not wanting to deal with anymore of their fuckin' drama.

Char and I ran into the house and went straight up the stairs to Bella's room. At first glance nothing seemed out of place. Nothing was missin' from her wardrobe and her duffel bag was still there. As were her passport, bank card and books.

"Doesn't look like she's taken off," I said quietly and sighed with relief. _But that still didn't tell us shit about where the hell she is_, I growled to myself as I ran back outside and checked the barn. All the horses were there so she hadn't gone ridin'. _Where in the hell is she? _

I was beginning to worry that Jasper had something to do with her disappearance. I swear to God, if it turns out that the mother fucker has anything to do with this, I'll rip him apart and burn him piece by piece. Then I'll kick his ass. The last time they were alone she had a freak out in the barn, then the next time they were alone baby was forced to shoot his ass and he threw her in the swimming hole.

"Jasper Whitlock! Get your fuckin ass out here!" I hollered from the front porch.

"Jasper!"

"Sorry Peter," he finally responded, strolling out from behind the barn. "I was fixing the oil leak on the Charger. What in the hell are you carryin' on about?" He grumbled, wiping his oily hands on his jeans.

"When did you last see Bella? She didn't turn up for her graduation today," I snapped. I knew I was taking my frustration out on him without any reason to, but hell, I was worried.

I rolled my eyes as he pulled a rag out of his back pocket and wiped his hands on it —which was fucking pointless as he'd just wiped the worst of it on his jeans. _Moron. _At least he wasn't channeling his porn-star cowboy get-up today. Let me tell ya', that shit was gettin' old in a hurry.

"Last time I saw Bella was last night. She was on the porch-swing reading and drinking that nasty Jack-and-apple-juice mix. Bleh," he shuddered, "I can't believe she still likes that shit! Oh wait, I saw her again this morning. She took the Prius and left around 8 am." He was as nervous as a whore in church, _hmmm_.

"I'm sure she's just distracted, Peter. She's probably sitting somewhere with her nose in a book. You know what she's like."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I know how she is. Puss is easily distracted, and I'm not sure how much of it's because she's human and how much of it is just her. I mean damn, Jasper. One time she stayed on campus well-after midnight because she "got lost in her book".

But here's the thing, it doesn't explain her missing her own damn graduation. Jasper, she was _so _excited about this, she worked so damn hard. She wouldn't just miss it." Thought lately she seemed less and less enthusiastic about it and had even tried to wiggle out of attending. But we'd managed to convince her that it would be nice for us to see and she'd finally given in to the idea.

I could tell that Jasper was holdin' somethin' back from me. You don't know someone for as long as we have, or have gone through the shit that we have together, and not pick up on their mannerisms, their quirks. I knew Jasper better than I knew myself sometimes and knew for damn sure that there was somethin' he wasn't telling me. The shithead knew somethin', but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

_God, I hope that Jasper's right that she's just off somewhere, maybe reading or who knows what else. I'll just wait and see what time she rolls on in. She better have a damned good explanation for all this shit. Either way, I'm gonna be on her ass like a hen on a junebug. _

When she hadn't made it home by two the following mornin', Char and I were beyond frantic. I tried her cell again and again and again. And the damn thing was still switched off, going straight to voice mail; I left yet another message to add to the increasingly desperate ones I'd left earlier.

"The Prius has the GPS tracking on it," Charlotte said softly as she booted up the computer. We ran the program, but the car wasn't showing up anywhere. I bet that the little minx had pulled the fuse that controlled the GPS. Now I really regretted teaching her how to steal a car. _What the hell had I been thinking showing her how to do that_? I know Bella got frustrated with us sometimes, thinking that we—well, no, that I—was too overprotective. I wanted to prove to her that I thought she was an adult. But after pulling a stunt like this, vanishing without a word, if she thought I'd been overprotective before she was going to be in for a rude awakening. This little incident has proven that my being overprotective isn't a bad thing, not at all. She had better be okay, and if she is…well damn if that girl isn't cruisin' for bruisin'. I have no qualms with bustin' her ass, though Char might object to it.

"Chris. I wonder if she's with him?" she mused quietly, rousing me from my thoughts of tannin' Bella's hide or hiding the bodies of anyone that might've hurt her. "You know, that boy she had that date with a while ago."

"Could be," I answered, though my gut told me that she wasn't. "But she's never hooked up and just run off with anyone before."

At that statement I heard Jasper growl quietly. "For fucks sake shut up, Jasper. The two of you aren't together. She can do whatever or _whomever_ she wants," I snarled in response. I realized that saying that was a little bitchy, but hell, she was missing and he didn't really seem too concerned. At least until the idea of her being with another guy was brought up.

We sat staring at the walls all night. There was nothin' we could do 'bout findin' Puss, and I kept hoping my gift would kick in and tell me where to start lookin'. _Guess that ain't workin' tonight…_

Once dawn broke, I headed out to the barn and got on with the morning chores. I needed to keep busy. I needed to keep my mind occupied with something-anything, or I'd completely lose it with worry over Bella. So, chores it is. I could smell her scent in Confederate's stall, which wasn't unusual in itself; however, what _was_ troubling was that she'd cleaned his tack. It wasn't like her to spend time doing that. Normally she had to be nagged about doing it. Something wasn't right. I was missing a piece of the puzzle and I knew I wouldn't settle down until I worked out whatever it was.

_Hang on a cotton pickin' minute. Didn't Jasper say she'd been on the porch reading last night?_ That meant he'd been near her despite me _explicitly _telling him to stay the hell away from her. I found myself once again yelling for him and as soon as I could see his mop of blond hair, I started in on him. _What were you doing with her on the porch last night? Why in the hell were you anywhere near her to begin with when I specifically told you to stay the hell away from her? Are you fucking stupid? Deaf? What exactly did she say? What exactly did you do? What the fuck are you hiding from me?_

He admitted that they'd talked and then reluctantly added that they'd argued. Fuck, I knew that asshole had something to do with this, why else wouldn't he have told me this earlier.

"Was she okay when you were talking to her? What the hell did you two argue about?" I demanded, figurin' that I was wastin' my breath and that he wasn't going to admit to anything — just like he didn't admit to anything the day he threw her in the swimming hole. I got what I was sure was an edited version of events. _Times like this make me wish I had Eddie Cullen's mind reading gift...pretentious, nosy, little shit that he is. _

He sighed and sat down on a stool. He looked nervous, which didn't sit well on him. "I asked her why she was lyin' about being in pain. She said she had a headache, but it was deeper than that, more than that. It nearly broke my heart."

_In pain…in pain…oh, shit!_ I suddenly had an inklin' where she could be and ran upstairs to her room, yelling at Jasper to stay where he was, hoping that I wasn't correct, praying that my gift had misfired for once.

Panicking, I wrenched the door completely off of the cabinet in her bathroom. Amongst all the weird shit humans' need — deodorant, tampons, chapstick, dental floss, mouthwash — was a half-empty bottle of pills. I picked it up and slowly read the label. It was a pain medication, one she had taken frequently in the past, but in much stronger dosage than she had prescribed to her before. The date on the bottle was recent, the day she'd gone for coffee with Chris after class as a matter of fact. Things were starting to make sense…a horrible kind of sense. The doctor's name was unfamiliar, Dr. Christiana Patel. No matter, I can just get what I need off of the label. Well, maybe not seeing as Dr. Patel's contact information had been ripped off of the label. _That sneaky little Puss_. It was all starting to make sense now. I'd be willing to bet my last dollar that Chris, the guy she implied she was going on a date with, was actually her doctor. If I wasn't so worried and tempted to rip her a new one, I might actually laugh.

I could hear Char and Jasper talking in the kitchen, he was askin' all kinds of questions about "Isabella" and based upon the irritated sound of his voice, I figured my mate wasn't givin' him the answers he wanted. Their voices kept getting louder and louder, which on one hand made me want to interfere because no one raises their voice to my mate; however, this was actually perfect for what I was plannin' on doin'. As quickly as I could, I silently slid out of one of the windows in Bella's bedroom. I didn't want them asking where I was going or what I was doing until my suspicions were confirmed. I hoped that if I was quiet enough they wouldn't hear me leaving until I was as good as gone. Love and respect 'em as much as I do, neither of 'em could track for shit so I knew I'd be good as long as they didn't hear me. I ran as quickly as I could towards the outskirts of town, slowing to a human pace as soon as I made it to the hospital.

I walked through the automatic doors where I caught a faint whiff of her scent, her diluted and poisoned scent, and headed directly to the elevators. I'd made this trip many times, too many times. Straight up to the fourth floor, turned right, and walked through the doors to welcoming me to the cancer treatment center. Knowing the miser hospital administrators, she was probably stuck sharing some tiny ass room with someone with uncontrollable flatulence and foot odor. Well, I'd fix that. The minute they got wind of my black credit card, she'd be back in the 'luxury' suite we always paid for, if you could call anything about this place or what happened here a luxury. I couldn't have my Bella being sick in some poky little room, the privacy and comfort our money could provide was well worth it. The privacy it afforded us was of the utmost importance. She needed rest, peace, and quiet—not having every Tom, Dick and Harry nosing through the peep glass on the window every five minutes.

I headed directly to the nearest nurses' station and asked for her room number, praying that they'd say she wasn't here, that I was wrong, that it wasn't her scent lingering in the hallways. _Please, please, please let me be wrong. Please…_ With my heart sinking into my stomach, I followed the directions the flustered nurse gave me and headed straight to her room. I stopped when I heard her voice; her tired, weak, and scratchy little voice.

"Daddy!" She wailed, "I need you. I'm in t-the hospital. The ca-cancer has come back and I'm so sc-scared!"

Of all the fuckin' things to happen…we'd thought that she was getting better, that she _was _better. Her scans had been clear for over six months, and secretly we all hoped that she'd won the war. Well, we were wrong and it was time to rally for another battle. She could do it, we could do it—together we'd beat this again dammit. Resisting the urge to barge in and yell at her for not telling us, for trying to handle this alone, I went back to the nurses' station to give her some privacy and to get my head 'round what I'd just heard. I also needed to calm down a little…okay, I needed to calm down a lot. _She called her father first?_ _Why in the fuck would she have done that? She never calls her father voluntarily, so why hadn't she told us? What had we done wrong that she couldn't tell us first?_

I saw her chart sitting on one of the desks behind the counter and after making sure that no one was looking I scanned through it as quickly as possible. The contents were heartbreaking; the skin cancer that we thought she'd beaten had spread throughout her poor little body. She must have been in so much pain over the last few weeks and I almost admired her for being able to keep it so well hidden. I doubted we'd even know now if she hadn't collapsed in the doctor's office yesterday, according to the notes in her chart. That explains why she wasn't at her graduation—while I had been getting worked up and ready to tear into her, she was on the operating table. _Fuck…._

When the charge nurse came back, I quickly made arrangements to have her moved as soon as possible. They tried to tell me that there wasn't any space but the second I pulled that little black piece of plastic out of my wallet, they changed their minds quickly. _Greedy fucking vultures_.

I knew I needed to contact Char and let her know not only where I was but what was goin' on, but I wasn't ready to deal with whatever Jasper's reaction would be just yet. Deciding that a vague text message would be the way to go, I pulled out my phone and sent Char a message to come to B's 'other home' and to be quiet about it. Puss sure as shit didn't need any more shit and frankly, neither did Charlotte or I. Yeah, I felt a little guilty about keeping Jasper outta the loop and hell, even without my gift I knew that he was gonna throw the mother of all tantrums when he found out—but we needed to get a handle on this before bringing his emo ass into the situation. He was already unstable enough where Bella was concerned and I wasn't sure what this was going to do to him. He'd lived for five years thinking he'd lost her. Finding out that she had cancer and that we'd kept it from him while he was here? That would probably destroy what little bit of sanity he has left, on top of our relationship.

Jasper was like a pendulum swinging from side to side with her. One minute he hated her, the next he was in love with her and she just didn't need that shit at the moment. And Bella? Well it's fair to say that her ability to think rationally just disappears where he's concerned. What she needed was to focus on healing, and as all the treatments and medications make her sicker and weaker, we'd have to keep Jasper in the dark for a little while longer. _Oh fuckin' well_.

I decided to wait until Char got here before I let Puss know I was here and that I knew what was goin' on. So, still filled with rattled and anxious nerves, I chose the healthy option and went outside to pace and chain-smoke until my mate arrived. The moment I saw her beautiful face I pulled her in for a hug, resting my forehead against hers, absorbing her strength. I knew I'd need it. We stood there quietly for what could have been hours or just a few minutes, holding each other, preparing each other. I finally took a few deep, and unneeded breaths, and told her about what I'd overheard and what I'd read on her chart. Watching the venom fill her eyes broke my damn heart all over again. My girls were as close as sisters and the mischief they got into was unbelievable. They ganged up on me all the time and I have to reluctantly admit that I loved it. Char needed another girl around and I know Bella loved her—even when Char bossed her around.

Char took a step back and looked me in the eye, letting out a deep sigh. I reluctantly let her go, not really wanting to leave our peaceful, little bubble, and took her hand, silently walking back to the hospital. We walked deciding to take the stairs at a human pace, avoiding the elevator in a desperate attempt to prolong these last few moments of peace before the shit hit the fan. We stopped by the nurses' station in the cancer center and found out that they'd already moved Bella to a better room. _I guess flashing cash, or plastic in this situation, really does work._ When we arrived at her door I knocked gently, and not waiting for an answer, let ourselves in. And there she was; a tiny, trembling, little mess with wildly tangled hair and a translucent pallor. The minute she saw us she started sobbing, and before she could blink again, she was wrapped in our arms. None of us said a thing, we just held her, holding her as tightly and as closely as we possibly could. After a while I loosened my grip on her, leaned back, and took a closer look at her. Her normally bright eyes were now dull and her hair was lifeless. Her skin was pale, even for my standards. She had an IV drip leading into both hands. One smelled of narcotics for and the other of some type of fluid replacement. Seeing her in a hospital gown made me realize how much weight she'd lost. She'd obviously not been eating properly for days. I have no idea how she'd hidden this from us, and cursed myself for not noticing.

Suddenly, I felt guilty for being so damn angry with her for not coming home, but then I was absolutely furious with her for not telling us where the hell she was and what was going on.

"Bella, would you like to explain why the hospital didn't contact us when you were brought in?" I said slowly, trying to smile at her but found that all I could manage was a grimace. She immediately looked away from me, tears sliding down her pale white, almost gray cheeks.

"Bella," I tried again. "Why aren't we your emergency contact anymore?" I was trying so hard not to shout at her, to be gentle, but I was losing patience rapidly.

"I was going to tell you when I got home from seeing Dr. Patel. I didn't want to worry you," she said as tears formed in her eyes again. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well you did worry us," I snapped. I know I'd been planning to play nice, but this was fuckin' ridiculous. "You called your Daddy and told him before you told us! Are you plannin' on movin' back there? Should I be packing your bags?" I stood up and walked to the door. "Cos' I can have them packed and back here in less than an hour!"

Bella's slow tears turned into sobs and she curled up into a ball while Charlotte stalked over to me with her eyes narrowed dangerously and whacked me upside the back of my head. "Goddamn it, Peter! Shut up," she growled, smacking the back of my head again. "Leave the girl alone. She can call her Daddy if she wants."

I knew she was right, Bella's relationship with Charlie was tenuous at best, and if this brought them closer, then it was all well and good. We'd worry about the security aspect of her calling him later. But the selfish asshole inside of me disagreed vehemently. They were _my _girls — _my _mate, _my _Puss, I whined…internally of course as Charlotte would have beat the slop outta me for being a 'petulant child' at a time like this. But they _always_ came to me first. _Dammit…._

"I'm sorry, Puss," I whispered, moving back towards her, pulling her gently into my arms. "I was just worried about you."

Char smiled softly at her and Bella managed a weak one back through the tears that were still falling.

"When does your chemo start, honey?" Char asked, flicking her fingers through Bella's hair. "Are you going to stay here for it, or will they let you come home?"

Bella slowly pulled herself out of my arms and lay back against the pillows, closing her eyes and sighing.

"I'm not having any," she whispered, almost too quietly even for us to hear. _Wait, she didn't just say that, did she?_

"Puss, what do you mean you're not having any? Did they somehow remove everything in your biopsy?" She shook her head, wincing as she did so.

"Puss..." I waited for her to respond.

"I'm not having any chemotherapy." She said a little louder and clearer this time. "I'm tired. I've been fighting for the last five years and I don't think… no, I _can't_ do it anymore. I'm tired." She was killing me. I'd never heard her talk like this before, even in the depths of the illness she'd never come out and said that she'd had enough.

She continued on, her voice flat and unemotional. "I want however long I've got to be happy, and I want to spend it with you guys, not in some hospital or treatment center or doctor's office. If I have the chemo I'll be so much sicker. And there's no guarantee it'll work anyway, and I'll just be in pain and miserable. I'd rather have better quality than quantity at this point."

I couldn't look at her. She was giving up. This wasn't my Bella — _my _Bella was a fighter. I was stunned into silence, and then I realized what I hoped she meant. "However long you've got? Oh, you mean until we turn you. Name the time and place, and we'll do it."

She shook her head again. "I don't want to be turned, Peter. You have to let me deal with this on my terms. I want to go home, sit out in the sun, read, eat dessert for breakfast, ride my horse and enjoy what time I have left. Oh, and I'd like the best pain med's money can buy."

_Bullshit! Over my dead fuckin' body._ "Bella, you're gonna die if you don't have chemo. There's only one other option. I won't let you die. You hear me, Bella? Quit it. I _will _turn you. Hell, if you don't want me to do this, then Charlotte or even Jasper will. But we won't let you die."

"You won't _let_ me Peter? You don't have any choice. It's up to me, remember? Either by the cancer or by being changed, I have to die remember? You know the rules, Peter. You agreed to those terms and you also agreed it was up to me. The drugs might work this time, even without the chemo. Just because I'm not going to go through with the chemo doesn't mean this is going to be a death sentence."

Yeah, I had agreed to those terms but that was before, we'd never talked about her being changed and like an ass I'd just assumed that she would want to be one day. _Shit!_

"Bella, tell us about Jasper honey," Charlotte said softly. I quickly turned my head and stared at her in complete and utter shock. _I mean, seriously? Now…NOW she brings this shit up?_ I didn't think this was the time or place to bring it up, but she shook her head at me and whispered too low for Bella to hear, "We need to know, and she needs to tell us. I think he's part of the reason she won't have the treatment or agree to be changed."

"You want me to tell you about Jasper?" She asked softly, her eyes showing the most bottomless, desperate, and haunted _angst_ I'd ever seen. "I don't know if I can. I mean, I guess he's already told you his version, and if that's what _he _says happened then that's what went on. I mean, who'd want to contradict Mr. Jasper _fuckin' perfect _Hale."

"Humor us, sugar," Char responded. She was quiet for a moment, as if she were carefully considering her next words. "We'll listen to anything you have to say. We're just curious as to why you never mentioned him before."

"Oh hell," Bella said, running her fingers roughly through her hair. "Why didn't I mention Jasper to you? Well, for a lot of reasons actually. I really don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning, that's usually a good place, right? Oh, why did you say Jasper Hale? I haven't heard him called that in years."

Like Char, I was confused by the Jasper Hale thing too. I'd forgotten that he used a different name when he stayed with the Cullens—they didn't like the reputation that came with his own name.

"He's a Whitlock, Puss, and it's Major not Mister. Whitlock was his human name."

"Whitlock," she mumbled, as I noticed her skin paling even further and a light sheen of sweat popping up on her forehead and upper lip. "I'm so _stupid_, I never made the connection. He told me about his past and I forgot. How the hell could I forget that? Oh God, does he know I'm a Whitlock now?"

I shook my head smiling at her. "I don't think he does, Puss. He knows you're family though."

She pulled herself up on the pillows and laughed bitterly. "Oh, I'm sure he'll have something to say about it. Oh well, that's his problem," she said, and took a sip of water from the glass on the side table. "You wanted to know about him and me? Okay, I'll tell you."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "It's simple really. I fell hopelessly in love with him only to find out I was nothing more than a game, a _distraction._" She sighed and opened her eyes, and _good God, _the agony in her eyes damn near brought me to my knees. But then, out of nowhere, she just snorted. _Snorted! _"Then last night he tried to tell me that I left him!"

The girl was fucked up! How can she be so flippant about everything that was going on? I couldn't help gettin' pissed with her again. "Bella, for fucks sake, can't you take anything seriously?" I snarled at her quietly. "How do you feel about him? Tell the truth for once."

"Tell the truth? I _have_ been telling the truth!" She cried, her bottom lip trembling, and _oh shit_, she started cryin' again. _Fuck! I can't handle it when she cries._ "Why does everyone assume I'm lying? You know what, I'm tired and I want you to go now."

Oh no, she wasn't getting out of this that easily. I told her that and she at least had the grace to look ashamed.

"I love him," she whispered. "Even after he treated me the way he did, I still love him. What we had, the time we had, was amazing. He made me feel so beautiful, so adored. I've never…but, you know what? It doesn't matter and it doesn't change the fact that I don't trust him and I'll never make that mistake again. I have too much self-respect now to ever put myself in a situation with him again…where he could just...rip me to shreds and tear my heart to pieces all over again. I can't…I just can't." She sobbed into her hands, her little body just shakin' and tremblin' by the force of her tears and wails.

She gradually calmed and drank a little water. "Like I said, I fell in love with him. He was _everything_ to me; I would have done _anything_ for him. But now…now I don't trust him, he left me and he _destroyed _me. I tried to tell him last night that I didn't leave him but he said I was lying and walked away."

"Bella, baby, he loved you—"

"LOVED ME! He didn't love me, he _never_ loved me. If he'd loved me he'd never have left me that fucking note. He'd have never said the things in it, and then to make matters worse he lied to me last night and said that he'd been planning on proposing to me! How the fuck could he play with me like that, Peter?" She cried, her voice breaking. The tears started again, breakin' my heart all over again. "He said I'd left him a note, but I didn't Peter. I promise. I left when I read the one he'd left for me." She sniffled, "I just...I just left."

_What the fuck was she talking about? How many fuckin' notes were there? First Jasper says she left him one, now she's claimin' that he did the same._ _Every time I think we're close to sortin' this unholy mess out, it just gets more and more complicated._

"Puss, please calm down. Come on, take a deep breath sweetheart. That's a good girl," I said quietly, watching my poor girl gradually calm down.

"Baby," Charlotte said. "Jasper thinks you left him for Sam. You need to tell him what really happened."

Bella was quiet for a few minutes. She finally leaned back into her pillow, closed her eyes, and whispered. "How can I tell him? He'll just say that I deserved it. He thinks I left him for Sam? What...I...How...I left because Jasper said he didn't want me anymore. " She looked so defeated, so unsure of anything anymore. She needed to get this out; holding all this in wasn't going to help her recover.

"Jasper says a lot of things he doesn't mean, Puss. He's an asshole that way. But baby, I can guarantee you that there is no way in hell he'd ever say that you deserved what Sam did to you." _God, I wish I could smoke in here. _"No one deserved what Sam did to you, and Jasper will agree with that." I wasn't liking what I was hearing, not one cotton pickin' bit, but I think I was finally startin' to understand what was goin' on in that mind of hers.

"Bella, Jasper would kill me for telling you this, but he sent flowers to your grave every month so you had a little piece of him with you. He loved you so much; can't you understand why he's feeling this way now? The note he got hurt him and he's a proud man, it will take a lot to get him to admit how he feels. Can't you just make the first move to talk to him and put us all out of our misery?" Charlotte was trying to reassure her about how Jasper felt, but I got the feeling it wasn't working.

"_He_ got hurt? Oh, well, I guess that changes everything!" She was yelling. "I'm sorry, I forgot about the world revolving around Jasper. You know what? I got hurt too, but no one seems to believe that _he _hurt _me_, _he_ left _me_. And another thing, how many times do I have to tell everyone that I DIDN'T LEAVE A FUCKING NOTE — HE'S THE ONE THAT LEFT THE NOTE! NOT ME, GODDAMMIT!" She threw her glass against the wall, where it shattered and sprayed water all over the floor. "I'm _so _fucking sorry. You want _me _to put _you_ out of your misery? Well fine then, maybe you should leave, liked I asked you to earlier, if I'm making you so fucking miserable."

"Now c'mon Puss, you don't have to be like that," I said, trying to hug her but she flinched away. I looked at Charlotte in desperation.

"You won't change your mind about becoming one of us, sugar?"

My beautiful wife was obviously trying to change to subject away from Jasper. I wasn't sure how this would help. But what the hell, it couldn't make it any worse.

"What do I have to look forward to if I'm changed, apart from the two of you? I can never go back to my father again, and I don't want to be alone. And I _will _be alone. It's alright for you two, you're mated. I will be alone...and he...and I just can't."

"Jesus, Bella! You won't be alone! You have me and Char. You know we love you. You will find someone one day and he'll love you like you deserve. Don't you want that?" I wanted to tell her that Jasper already loves her like that but it wasn't the right time, she wouldn't believe me.

She looked away, staring into space. I wanted to shake her, to make her see reason, but I gave her time to respond. "Yeah, I know. I love you both, too," she smiled weakly. "But I don't want just anyone, I want Ja—," her voice trailed off.

"Sugar, you want Jasper? Is that what you were saying?" Char prompted softly.

Bella just nodded softly, staring at her hands and sniffling.

"Just tell him then, Bella. Just tell him, he'll understand and I bet he'll respond a lot differently than you think."

I'd never seen Puss cry so much, not even when she'd been so sick from the last bout of chemo. I rubbed a hand over my face, doubting whether talking about this was the right thing, whether we were helping her. I just don't know what to do or what to think right now. This was one of the times I wished my gift would kick in and tell me what to do. _Asshole gift._

"I can't tell him—he _hates_ me. I tried to tell him last night, but all he would say was that I was a liar and then he just walked away from me—again. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. If you still want me to pack my bags, I'll leave." I shook my head and muttered something about her needing to forget that. I only said it in the heat of the moment, like an idiot, and I sure didn't mean it. I should know better by now than to run off at the mouth when I'm upset, especially where Puss is concerned. She's just so sensitive, understandably, and picks up on the tiniest of things and runs with them.

"I just can't face an eternity without Jasper. H-he doesn't want me. He thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie. And after everything he's done, how can I ever trust him again? Besides that, you know how _damaged_ I am…and-and he's just so…perfect. He is _so _perfect. Even if he wanted me, it would never work. Not anymore, not after…everything."

_Son of a bitch! _I didn't realize she still saw herself as damaged, I thought we had gotten through this, that she had finally realized that she was far from damaged. I guess the expensive therapy wasn't worth the money I'd spent. I really thought she'd gotten over looking at herself as damaged. That bastard Sam, and the rest of those furry-fuckers have a lot to answer for.

She finally fell asleep while I was turning things round and round in my mind. Char was sitting on the bed, holding her hand and stroking her hair. The nurse came in and redid all of the bags hanging from her IV. Then she unceremoniously kicked our butts out of the room, snapping at us about how visiting hours had ended hours ago and that we'd have to come back tomorrow. That woman had better adjust her attitude. If she upsets Bella she'll find herself out of a job and if she _really_ upsets our girl, she'll find herself as dinner.

We made our way outside, ready to go home and talk about what the hell we were going to do next. We set off running and were just onto the property line when my phone rang. I answered it automatically, half expecting it to be Jasper. It was Charlie. He was brusque and to the point. Sam knew Bella was alive and at some point soon he'd be coming after her. _Would this shit never fucking end? Seriously, how much more could she, we, take? _

It took all my powers of persuasion to make him realize that running to Bella was just asking for more trouble. I could understand why he wanted to rush in to see her, but it wouldn't help in the current situation. He'd be leading Sam straight to her if he did. If his staying away would buy us another couple of weeks then it'd be all well and good. Besides, he and that Paul fella needed to worry about protectin' themselves and getting' the hell outta town and hidin' out as there was no doubt that Sam and his lackeys would punish them for this.

Another worry we had was location. Specifically how in the hell anyone found out where we were. No one knew exactly where we lived other than Char, me, Bella, and now Jasper. Someone had run their mouth off and caused this.

I needed reinforcements and I needed them fast. If it was just Sam I knew we could take him, but if he brought the rest of the pack, well, let's just say it would be difficult. And with Bella in the shape that she's in, all things difficult needed to be avoided at all costs.

We only had one option, and though I really didn't wanna use it, I was gonna have to do it. Before we made it to the house, I stopped just outside the barn and dialed a number that I usually tried to avoid.

"Caius. This is Peter Whitlock. There's been a complication."

_**So, now you've read it and hopefully enjoyed it – let me know what you think**_


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n - Hey, thanks for sticking with me on this ride, this chapter should fill out some of the missing answers for you all.**

**I don't own twilight - if I had Jasper would have been mine, all mine.**

**Thanks to everyone that's read this, reviewed it, favorited it, and followed this. I really do appreciate it and send out a huge hug and thanks to all.**

**Special thanks to my fantastically brilliant beta - can't do it without you sweetie. Also huge thanks to my fellow 'Whitlock Whores' you know what you did girls.**

**Well without further ado, here's chapter 9 - enjoy it's going to be a bumpy ride. Oh and as usual there's lots and lots of strong language (what can I say, I have a potty mouth)**

**JPOV**

Charlotte leaving like she did had me on edge. We'd been talking and then her phone beeped with a text. The panic and fear I felt from her was so strong it nearly paralyzed me. Then, seemingly out of the blue, she grabbed her shoes and ran off…without a fucking word. I was so damn torn. One the one hand I wanted to follow her and demand to know what in the hell was going on. On the other hand, I needed to get some damn answers, once and for all, answers about Isabella. Being the selfish ass that I am, Isabella and my answers came first. Peter had run into her room and left from there, so I guess that was a good a place as any to start.

Her bedroom was so perfectly her, so light and airy. I could smell her the second I walked in and I paused for a moment to bask in the memories her scent brought back. I grinned when I saw her bed; it was huge with a beautiful handmade quilt in shades of confederate gray and blue. Trying to ignore thoughts of the bed, I followed Peter's scent into her bathroom where I noticed a prescription bottle lying on the floor and picked it up. I guessed it was some kind of pain medicine and I already knew how much pain she'd been in, the unanswered question though was why? Why was she in so much pain? Why wouldn't she tell me what was causing it? Why had Peter fled the house from her room? Fleetingly, I thought of calling Carlisle, he'd know what kind of treatments Percocet were used for, but I decided not to. I didn't want to speak to them; I didn't want the questions I'd get — questions I didn't have answers to.

I growled, not at all liking the frustration and fear rushing through my body. Putting the bottle aside, I continued to search her bathroom and bedroom for clues. Under her bed, I found a wooden box, an old jewelry box perhaps. It was nicked in spots and the hinges were slightly corroded, but it looked polished and well loved. Minding the hinges, I carefully opened the box and was stunned at what I found. The frustration and fear I felt earlier were slowly replaced with heartache and longing as I slowly went through its contents. It was full of movie and concert tickets — reminders of the past, _our _past. I couldn't help but smile as I rifled through the seemingly odd contents of the box. There was the plastic ring I'd 'won' from one of those quarter-eater machines inside a supermarket in Port Angeles. I'd jokingly put the ring on her finger as a tease, promising myself silently that one day I'd buy her a proper engagement ring. Tickets from a Shinedown concert — she spent the entire night singing along, smiling up at me her pink cheeks flushed with giddiness and excitement. A scrap of paper with my cell phone number on it — I'd pushed it in her hand the first night we met, the night I realized that I could fall in love. Silly little things mapping out our relationship filled the box. A pressed flower that I'd given her on Valentine's Day, a purple seashell that we'd found on the beach, a wrapper from a candy bar she'd dared me to eat. I remembered her hysterical laughter as she watched me cough and hack it back up.

I sighed as I relived the memories linked to each item, slowly remembering all the nights and days we spent together. But at the same time, I was so confused. Why had she kept them when she'd left me the way she had? They must have meant something to her for her to keep them and if so, I _had _to have meant _something _to her. Somehow, through all my confusion and doubt, I began to feel something that had eluded me, abandoned me, many years ago—_hope_. Hope that my love had loved me once in return, hope that my love might still harbor some affection for me—after all, she kept everything single little thing I'd ever given her, and the fledgling hope that maybe, just maybe, she would love me now.

All these conflicting emotions and thoughts were pummeling down on me. Hope, fear, confusion, anguish, love, loss….it went on and on. I put the box down and started pacing, trying to figure it all out. The notes, the secrets, the memories, Peter and Charlotte's involvement, she died, she wasn't dead—the puzzle amassing before me was definitely missing pieces, pieces I needed to put it all together. I tried viewing everything objectively, clinically, hoping that if I removed myself, my emotions, from the picture, I would see everything clearer. That didn't work though. All I could see was Isabella's face filled with pain the night we'd finally managed to have a civil conversation on the porch. Before she threw everything I thought I knew about the past out of the window, before we had a screaming argument, before she scared me with how much pain she was in.

_"When I came back, you had already left me. I wanted you forever, Isabella. Forever, I would never have left you. Never! I was going to ask you to marry me, but you…you just left me." I paused, taking a deep and unneeded breath, my voice cracking. "You left me; you left me with nothin' but this fuckin' note."_

_I pulled the folded and creased scrap of paper out of my pocket but kept the ring out of sight._

_"Don't deny that you wrote this, Isabella! How else would it get into our hotel room? Did a bird deliver it? Or were you too much of a fuckin' coward to tell me to my face that you were just screwing me to get back at your shifter boyfriend!" I screamed at her, shoving the note in her baffled, confused, and hurt face. _

_Despite the physical pain she was in, she pushed past me and ran indoors. I had no clue what she was doing so I paced up and down the porch waitin' to see if she'd come back or take the coward's way out and run again. She came back down stairs just a few minutes later, considerably paler and breathing heavily. Scared by her appearance and obvious decline in health, I wanted to tell her that it was okay, that we'd sort this out later, that she needed to take care of herself first. But even more than that, I was angry and tired of hurting. I wanted some fuckin' answers._

_"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Jasper! Instead of blaming everything on me, always making me out to be the liar and the bad guy, why don't _you_ tell the truth for once." She growled out at me, shoving a piece of paper in my face. "I found this on my pillow when I woke up that morning; not you, not the sweet notes and gestures I was used to finding when I woke up alone. Oh no, I found this…this hateful confession. You want to shove notes around, Jasper? Fine then, explain this!" She yelled, throwing the so-called damn note at me._

_"I believe it says, amongst other things, that you hated me and that you'd kill me and anyone I loved if I ever approached you again. That I sickened you. That I was pathetic in your eyes and was nothing more than a game, someone to fuck while you were bored visiting with your friends. You're such a fucking hypocrite, Jasper. You know something; you're not the only one whose life was irrevocably altered from that day on. You have _no_ idea how much I hurt that day, the extent to which I _broke_ that day, and you have no clue how much I'm dying every day because of it. So fuck you, Jasper!_

_"Oh, and Jasper?" She said, glancing at the note I'd thrust at her earlier. "When did I ever call you Jazz? I knew you hated it. I always called you Jasper. I never once called you 'Jazz'. "_

_I couldn't do this with her now; the feelings of pain coming of her were overwhelming. I turned around and without a word I walked away, before I said something I would regret later, before she said something-anything else, before I took her in my arms and forgot about all this bullshit. We needed to sort this out, but this wasn't the time or the place._

_"Jasper! Don't...don't go, don't leave me again." She whispered, pleading weakly, but I just kept right on walkin'. I had to. I couldn't face her, especially not with the tears I could smell rolling down her too pale cheeks. It felt like my whole world was falling apart, that my heart was breaking again one tiny piece at a time. Just when I thought that Isabella and I could work things out, maybe even be friends again, everything fell apart and blew up right in my face. _

With a sigh, I slowly brought my thoughts back from the past and stared at the crumpled piece of paper she'd thrown at me. I couldn't understand what was going on. Yes, I'd left her a note but it hadn't said anything near as hateful as what Isabella had screamed, what the creased paper in my hand screamed at me. The note I left was simple, _'Isabella-I've gone hunting darlin' , but should be back before you wake. I love you, J.'_I'd placed it on the pillow where I knew she'd see in case she woke up before I got back. I didn't want to leave her, I loved to lie down with her in my arms and read while she slept, but I had an errand to run—a ring to pick up.

_This_ note, _this_ hateful paper, wasn't the one I'd left her. These vile, malicious _lies_ broke her heart and led her to leave me…they sure has hell weren't written by me. But who wrote it? I didn't want to think that someone I trusted was capable of that kind of betrayal; however, deep, down inside me, I had a niggling idea of who might have written something like that — someone who'd wanted to split us up. I _desperately _didn't want to believe that the person I was closest to, outside of Peter and Charlotte, could have betrayed me like this.

I was lost in my thoughts for hours, trying to work out what had happened, who did what, and ultimately, why all of this had happened. I replayed hours of conversations with Isabella, Rosalie and Peter over and over and over again; analyzing every single detail, every nuance, every twitch, every move. Desperately trying to find something — just one little clue — that would blow this secret apart.

It was clear that the notes had been written by someone else, someone whose identity I wasn't 100% sure of. But there was still the question about how they'd got into the room in the first place. At the time I hadn't considered anyone else being there, I hadn't looked for anyone else because I'd just assumed she'd left the note herself, but looking back I don't remember smelling anyone else... Hmm… another fucking piece of the puzzle that doesn't quite fit.

No matter what I did or didn't know, one thing I was sure of was that I had to let go of my anger and hatred towards Isabella. I knew now that she wasn't to blame for…anything really and that some outside force had left her the note and taken her away. Re-reading the note she'd received, I finally understood why she was so scared of me, why I terrified her, why she hadn't let me know she was alive. My heart broke a little more when I thought how alone, how scared she must have been. I was glad that she'd had my brother and Charlotte.

Isabella was, no _is_, my mate. I still loved her, I never stopped loving her, and I would do _anything_ and _everything _I could in order to fix this goddamn mess and get us back where we used to be. No, not go back, too much had happened to go back, I wanted to start again with her. I wanted to love her like she deserved, to protect her, to worship her, and to spend eternity with her.

I heard Peter and Charlotte running up towards the house and sighed in relief. I needed to talk to them, I needed to know what they knew, and I needed their help to not only figure it all out but, and more importantly, I needed their help in fixing everything. Just as I started to walk out the door, Peter stopped and made a phone call.

_"Caius, this is Peter Whitlock. There's been a complication. The wolves know that Puss is alive. Charlie called; one of the Cullen's told the Alpha."_

WHAT?! No, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Peter was talking to the _Volturi_ about her. Why was he talking to Caius about her? How the fuck did Caius know about Isabella? What the fuck had been going on here the past five years? And more importantly, what the fuck does he mean by _"one of the Cullen's told the Alpha"_? My earlier suspicions suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks…no, I was wrong…I had to be wrong… please, please, _please _let me be wrong. The Cullens had spoken to the Alpha? They only knew she was alive because I'd told Rose…but Rose wouldn't betray me, would she? I needed to speak to Rose — before I completely lost the tenuous grasp I had left on my sanity, I needed to hear it from her, I needed her confirm her betrayal herself…but it could, well, would have to wait until I'd spoken to Peter.

Furthermore, not only was Peter in contact with the fuckin' Volturi, but he was in contact with Isabella's father, too? That could only mean that whatever was going on here was done with her father's permission, or at least his knowledge. Charlie was no fool; chances are that he knows what we are, what his daughter might become in the future, and whatever happened that brought Bella here with Charlotte and Peter. When Isabella and I were together, her father was pushing her towards the Alpha. Why was he protecting her from him now? Why had he changed his mind? Why did he lie and say that she'd died? Granted, it did explain why the only things felt from him were anger and rage and the need for revenge, not the overwhelming sorrow and grief that I'd expected when I snuck into her bedroom those nights after she 'died'.

I couldn't contain my growl — my focus needed to be my mate. I would find out what was going on with her; what was done, what needed to be done and then I'd deal with the whoever was foolish enough to betray me, no, betray _us_, and then…then they would pay for what they'd done.

Peter finally hung up the phone and walked into the house — defeat, misery and worry pouring off him in waves. He saw me, paused, and turned to face the door as though he was thinking about leaving. I nodded at him in acknowledgement and he finally nodded back…resigned for some reason. He sank down onto the couch and bent forward, resting his head on his hands, his overwhelming emotions nearly crippling me. Charlotte walked in and kissed him on the top of his head, her emotions mimicking Peter's. _What was going on?_She smiled wanly at me and walked upstairs to Isabella's room.

"Peter," I said as softly as I could manage. "Peter, what's the matter?" Yes, I needed answers but I wasn't going to push him. He seemed close enough to his breaking point without my drama.

Eventually he looked up at me and the pain in his eyes was horrific. He seemed to collect himself and after a few minutes he started to speak.

"Jasper, you need to sit down and listen to every word I say. Some of this will make you angry but I need you to _listen_, really _listen _to me." Peter implored me. "I know we've been keeping secrets from you and I will tell you why, but you have to promise me that you will remain calm and listen to me. Can you do that? Can you listen without losing it please?"

I shook my head. "You know I can't guarantee that Peter, but I will try."

I swear his hand was shaking as he lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply and blowing the smoke out he started to speak.

"Okay. Five years ago, Charlotte and I were in Northern Canada. We were…well, it doesn't fuckin' matter what we were doing there. I got one of my hunches which led us to a small town in Washington." He took another pull on the cigarette, looking down at the floor. "Forks, Washington."

I took a second to realize what he'd just said. _Forks…five years ago. The timing was uncanny._I decided to let him continue for now.

"We found a badly injured girl being carried home and we followed them. The guy carrying her brought her to her Daddy and took off." He ran his hand nervously over the back of his neck. "It was Bella, Jasper."

"Continue," I said coldly. He should have given me this information as soon as I arrived here.

"I don't know how much you know about the reservation near Forks—"

"I know about the pack," I growled. "She supposedly left me for the fuckin' Alpha, remember? I got told she was his imprint."

Rose had been the one to tell me that, but how the fuck would she know something like that. _No, don't think about that now, hear Peter out and then think about it_.

He shook his head. "Jasper, calm down…_please_."

I nodded for him to continue on, knowing it was somewhat petulant or rude, but I was already close to losing my damn temper and the tiny amount of patience I had.

"He lied about the imprint, Jasper. Oh hell, do you even really _know_what an imprint is?"

I shook my head, "Nope, I've heard the term but can't say I know the details."

He was silent for a few seconds. "Wolves mate for life and they call it imprinting. They see the person that's best suited for 'em and they can't see anyone else. They claim and mark their mate. Much like we do actually, and then live happily ever after."

I put my head in my hands. "So, Isabella is still mated to this wolf for life? Well that's just great. What about me? She's _my_mate. How can she be mated to both of us?"

Peter started to laugh. "Jasper, you're not mated to the wolf, you fuckin' idiot. You're so dense sometimes…damn."

My hand shot out but he was too quick and dodged it.

"Sorry, Jas. But didn't you hear me? He _lied_. Isabella is not his imprint. He. Lied."

My relief was palpable. "So, he's not coming after her?"

"Yes, he is coming after her. He wants her. She's strong and intelligent and not to mention gorgeous. He sees her as his perfect mate." He leaned forward, his eyes boring into mine. "He is trying to _force_an imprint on her Jasper, that's what the whole thing in the forest was about. He wanted her so he claimed her in a disgusting attempt to make her his."

"Claimed her?" _Oh God…oh God… that he didn't mean what I thought he did…did it?_

"He beat her and then he-he raped her." Peter whispered. I snarled, rage coursing through my deadened veins. I wanted to kill someone, to hurt them, to hurt Peter for not stopping it, to hurt Rose, to hurt her father…to eviscerate _Sam. _

"Why didn't you stop it, Peter?" I growled. "What the fucking hell were you doing there if you couldn't stop it?" I was almost insane with rage. Was he seriously telling me that he couldn't prevent her from getting hurt?

"I tried, Jasper. Honest to God, I tried, but we didn't get there in time to stop it happening. He had-" his voice cracked, "he had f-finished with her by the time we got there. Sam left her there to die in the woods alone, but one of the pack members picked her up and took her to her daddy." He looked so defeated. I knew it wasn't his fault, I knew how his gift worked and that it wasn't always timed perfectly. "I'm _so_ sorry Jasper, I am _so fuckin' _sorry."

"We followed them back to her house and helped them the best we knew how. Charlotte cleaned up her wounds from where he'd beaten her and cared for her. By the time the night was over, she was on her way here to us and her Daddy had helped us fake her death." Well, that sure as shit explained Charlie's feelings and how her bloodstained clothes had been found in the woods.

I leaned over, and did my best to push some acceptance and gratitude his way before my anger completely took over. "So, this fuckin' mutt decided that he wanted _my _Isabella, and just raped her and beat her to try and get some supernatural mojo workin'?"

"Yeah, Jasper that's exactly what happened."

"And why, may I ask, is he still breathin' Peter?" I hissed. "Why is the animal that raped and beat my mate alive? Answer me!" I roared.

"He's still alive because gettin' Isabella out of there was my first and only priority at the time." Peter glanced over at me, obviously looking to see if I was still holding it together. "Plus, you're not the only one that wants to kick his ass."

"Kick his ass, Peter? What are we — five? I want to rip him apart. I want to see him suffer. I _need_ to see him suffer for what he did to her." I sighed, resting my forehead in my hands. "He fuckin' _raped_ my mate; she will carry that with her for the rest of her days because of him. He. Will. Die. Slowly and painfully." I growl out angrily. Internally, I was promising myself vengeance on Rosalie too, if she was the one that betrayed me…betrayed my Isabella. Knowing about her past made the fact that Isabella was raped because of her actions even more reprehensible. _Fuckin' cunt…_

I was furious, how could this happen? My mate, my beautiful Isabella, how the hell had she survived?

But how could Peter even let that fucking mangy mutt live? How could he let _any_of those fuckers live? I knew if I ever fucking got my hands on Sam, I would make his death slow and painful. It took everything within me to not go and hunt him down that very moment.

"I know Jasper, but right now—"

"Peter!" I snarled, jumping to my feet. "HE NEEDS TO SUFFER FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE!" I roared. The house vibrated and I heard a window shattering somewhere.

Peter remained silent; he knew better, he damn well knew that if he wasn't careful right now, I might, just might, remove his fuckin' head. I seethed for several more minutes, imagining the ways I could make that mutt pay.

"Peter, honey, you gotta tell him the rest." Charlotte's voice was quiet as she walked down the stairs. "Do you want me to tell him?"

"Tell me what, damn it? If you're gonna tell me, then spit it the fuck out!" I needed to know everything. How the fuck was I supposed to plan our defense if they weren't being honest with me?

"Don't speak to Charlotte like that; she doesn't deserve your anger, Jasper." Peter said his voice tight with barely restrained anger.

"You two have been hiding my mate from me all this motherfuckin' time and you think you can tell me not to talk to her like that? Huh? She's the one who helped you! Didn't you think I needed to know what the fuck happened to her too, Peter!"

Charlotte lowered her head. "You know we didn't know about you, Jasper. Now, are you going to let me tell you or are you going to rip both our heads off? By the way, if the latter is your choice, you'll never know what happened because Isabella sure as shit isn't gonna tell ya'."

I collapsed down on the couch in defeat. I put my head in my hands and in a calm voice continued speaking. "I can't live like this anymore. Please, _please_tell me something before I completely lose it."

Char looked at Peter, and then glanced at me before coming to sit on the couch near me. "About Bella, Jasper. She-she's in the hospital"

"What! What the fuck for?"

"She collapsed at her doctor's office before her graduation ceremony and was rushed into surgery." Peter wasn't looking at me, I couldn't believe he knew this and hadn't told me.

I screamed in pain, could this situation get any worse? Why weren't they at the hospital with her? I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.

"The pain she's been feeling. The surgery was for this?"

"Yes. You see, she got really sick after she'd been here about three months and it turned out to be cancer. She's been fighting it on and off the whole time she's been here and we thought she'd finally beaten it. But we were all wrong." He sounded so defeated that I almost felt sorry for him, _almost._

"This happened before? And it's come back? How bad is it? Is it treatable"

"The doctors are treating her for melanoma but it's not that simple. She seems to have a type that isn't presenting as normal but a _friend_ has a theory about what actually caused it. This _friend_has studied shifters and he thinks it might have been caused by some toxins on the shifters claws and teeth, a toxin that allows them tear into seemingly impenetrable vampiric flesh."

I shook my head to make sure I was hearing him clearly. _I mean, c'mon— toxic shape shifters? This was getting beyond ridiculous._

"He thinks that when Sam attacked Bella, the toxin got into an open wound and it turned carcinogenic."

"What!" I got up and started pacing round the room, still not quite believing what I was hearing. "You're standing here tellin' me that not only did he violate her, but now he's killing her painfully and slowly." _Just_ _another reason for me to go after the bastard._

"There's more, Jasper." Charlotte said hesitantly.

I stopped and stared at her. "More? How the fuck can there be more? This isn't enough?" I reached into my shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it I glared at Charlotte, daring her to tell me to take it outside. Wisely, she kept her mouth shut.

"The cancer has metastasized and she's refusing treatment, Jasper. Well, she's refusing chemotherapy anyway. She says she's having an alternative treatment." Peter's voice was cracking, "Puss says the chemo makes her too sick and that she can't go through it again. She's losing the will to fight, Jasper."

"No! I won't allow it. She can't do this to me!" I fell to my knees. "She can't Peter...she can't! Why? Why? Why? Why?" I was shaking my head and I could feel my body tensing at the thought of losing her again. "I can't do this, Peter. I need your help, I can't watch her die. I need her."

"DO IT TO YOU? YOU WON'T ALLOW IT? YOU NEED HER! What the fuck, Jasper? Don't be so fuckin selfish. She's doing this to_ all_ of us, to _herself_, you self-centered prick." Peter was leaning over me his fists clenched, anger pouring off him. "It's not all about you, this is about Puss."

Charlotte stood up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him away from me. He resisted at first but then sank into her embrace.

"What do you expect me to do, Peter? My mate is _dying_. She's not fighting anymore; you've basically told me she's giving up." I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Isabella, _my_Isabella was a fighter, she wouldn't, she couldn't give up — could she?

I stayed on my knees unable to move. _Hang on a minute, why haven't they just changed her? That would solve the fuckin' cancer problem right then and there._

Straightening my back up, I looked at them and asked that very question.

Peter looked as if he was about to cry, "She's refusing point blank to be changed. Before you say anything, we've spoken to her about it and she wants to take her chances with the immunotherapy." He paused and kissed Charlotte gently, "and it's not like we can force her to do anything."

"Don't give me that shit, Peter. Are we or are we not vampires? Like she could fight us if we decided to change her. "I laughed darkly.

Peter sighed. "It's complicated, Jasper. There are other considerations and we can't just change her without her permission."

I didn't understand. "Why the fuck not? We don't need her permission; we'll change her and deal with the consequences later!"

"I know you overheard me talking to Caius — _he's_the other consideration. He came to an agreement with Bella about her change years ago."

"Fuck the Volturi! They wouldn't care about her; she's just another human to them. How the hell does he know about her anyway?" I spat out. I couldn't believe that Peter had put her in danger by exposing her to the Volturi. _What the fuck had he been thinking? He could have gotten us all destroyed with one touch of Aro's hand._

"He came to the ranch with Demetri and Felix not long after Puss came here. He wanted a little information that could help them with a problem in Mexico; you know we freelance for them sometimes." He grinned. "They were a little surprised to find Bella here and once Caius heard about what happened to her, well, let's just say he was willing to be a little more lenient regarding her." The grin turned into a full out smirk. "My fee for the help was Bella having the choice about if and when she's turned."

I was skeptical, why on earth one of the proudest vampires alive would do something that broke their most absolute rule— no humans are to know about us and live to tell the tale.

"What the fuck, Peter! You could have gotten her fuckin' killed. And who's to say he won't go back on his word later. You've practically sentenced her to death, you fucking bastard!"

"You're wrong, Jasper; Caius is protective of her, hell they all are. I'm afraid that what _you_want with regard to her won't matter."

I laughed bitterly. "Protective, huh? Well, look how well that's turned out. Some protectors, they should have dealt with the wolves if they wanted to protect her, yet they've done nothing! And now the one that hurt her is free to come after her…again!"

Peter sighed. "Bella made Caius promise not to go after the wolves. She didn't want the one that rescued her to be slaughtered along with the rest, and you know damn well that Caius wouldn't care about sparing one of 'em."

"Why should Caius heed her request?" _Jesus Christ, just as I finally start to get some damn answers, more questions jump on the pile…_

Charlotte let go of Peter and walked towards me slowly. "Because he loves her Jasper, they all do — Caius, Demetri and Felix especially."

"What about me?" I leapt back to my feet, heading straight for Charlotte. _How dare she tell me that they love her!_ "Don't I love her? I love her more than _any_of those assholes ever could! I've died every day for five fuckin' years because of my love for her and now you stand here tellin' me that I can't change her to save her life because the Volturi "love her" too? I don't fuckin' think so!" I clenched my fists, the whites of my knuckles showing. "There's got to be more to it than that. Besides, it's not like I've ever given a fuck what the Volturi want — they stay out of my way and I stay out of theirs."

Peter grabbed Charlotte, pulled her behind him, and crouched protectively.

"Yeah, you're right there's more to it than that. Trouble is, I don't think you can handle the fuckin' truth, but as you asked _nicely_..." Peter snorted sarcastically. "You want the truth, Jasper? Well okay then, here's the fuckin' truth. She's admitted she still loves you, but you broke her heart so bad that she doesn't trust you anymore. _That's_ why she won't have treatment, why she refuses to let any of us change her. Because _you_ hurt her, _you _broke her, _you_broke her little heart, and I doubt she'll ever fuckin' recover from it you sanctimonious bastard!

So fuck you and your me, me, me shit. What about her? You claim to _love _her so much, think about her for a fuckin' change. And while you're at it, try take some fuckin' responsibility for your own actions for once instead of blaming everybody else-her included you asswipe."

"No…" I groaned, "I..I..I…" I felt like he'd stabbed me through the heart.

He wasn't finished twisting the knife though. "I've tried to tell her that you love her but she doesn't believe me, she thinks you're playing with her, she thinks you were lying about going to ask her to marry you."

"She...th-thinks I was l-lying?"

"Peter, how could she think this?"

"I'm not finished, Jasper." Peter seethed his voice hard, cold, and deadly. "She sees herself as damaged and _you_as perfect. She thinks you won't want her because of what Sam did; she thinks you'll say she deserved it. I've spent a fuckin' fortune on therapy for that girl and fuck, she still sees herself as damaged." The hardness gradually left his voice and by the end of his tirade, he just sounded damn weary.

"How could I ever think she deserved this? How could anyone? She deserves the best of everything. I could _never_see her as damaged. I am so far from perfect, how she can see me like that is insane. Jesus Peter, I love her. I loved her when I thought she left me, and I love her still. I never, not once, stopped lovin' that girl." I was desperate for him to believe me, hoping he'd tell Isabella.

"She thinks you hate her, Jasper. When you walked away from her on the porch the other night, you broke her again. She was trying to explain everything to you and you fuckin' walked away from her - you no good, no account, son of a—"

"I could feel the deception coming off her! I couldn't stand there anymore and let her lie, it hurt too damn much and-and I was afraid I was gonna lose my temper with her, and I didn't want to do that. You of all people know how I can lose control of it all. I asked her what the pain was about and she lied to me. She said she was okay." I was trying to explain but hell; even I thought it sounded weak.

"Peter, I swear to you, if I'd known, I wouldn't have done what I did. I swear it." I raked my hand through my hair and across my face. "I wouldn't have walked away, I would have reacted differently."

"What would you have done if she'd said that the pain was cancer?"

"I would've begged her let me change her."

Peter smiled faintly. "And she'd have said no, and you'd have argued, and one of you would have lit out of here like your ass was on fire."

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Peter. I can't go back and alter the past, but I can change how she feels about me, about becomin' one of us." I hoped I could talk to her and change her mind, and if I couldn't…well, I'd turn her and face the consequences later. _Not such a good idea, _the voice in my head piped up, _she might leave again and you don't want that, do you asshole?_

"I want to see her," I whispered, somewhat calmer now. Unfortunately, for me, both Peter and Charlotte's anger and protectiveness slammed into me. _Guess I got my answer 'bout that._

"She doesn't want to see you at the moment; she isn't strong enough to have you go rushing in there yelling at her again. Goddammit, Jasper! Every time you get close to her, it ends up a bloody battle and I'm not having it anymore. Can you not comprehend that she is just a little fragile and vulnerable right now? Honestly, she's a fucking mess. She just found out that they can't operate on the cancer this time, she's refusing chemo, she's hooked up to all kinds of needles and lines, and is taking enough med's to make her rattle." Charlotte seethed, her seemingly infinite patience run out.

Peter put his arm around Char's shoulders and looked at me sternly. "Here's what's gonna to happen 'round here: you WILL stay away from her, you will NOT try to see her, you WILL keep your fuckin' mouth shut around her, and you WILL do as I say. I'm sick and tired of listening to you whine about how you can't live without her. Well, guess what? You shoulda' thought about that before you broke her heart. She doesn't need you and your bellyachin' right now."

"She doesn't need me? Since you feel you know her so well Peter, why don't you tell me what the fuck she needs?"

He growled, _he actually fuckin' growled at me_. "She needs time, Jasper. She needs time to come to terms with the fact that there's a strong possibility that she's gonna die, time to work out how she really feels about you, and time to decide what she wants without any of us pressuring or guilting her."

He snarled at me, he knew he was pushing it but his protectiveness was starting to overtake his fear.

"She is my mate! I need her…" I muttered, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to calm down. "Please Peter, I need to see her." I pleaded.

"No, Jasper, and that is final. If I catch you goin' near her there will be hell to pay! She can't see you yet; she's sick and is hurtin' mighty bad. Don't you dare go on up there, stirrin' up the hornets' nest and makin' matters worse. Am I clear? Do ya' hear me?" he fumed, his finger pointing at me as though he was my Pa and he was scoldin' my ass.

"Besides, you've done enough damage. I know you're the one that told the Cullen's she was alive. Well, congratu-fuckin-lations, you've probably signed her death warrant. It's _your _fault that Sam is coming after her and you'll have to live with that."

Guilt crashed over me, he was right, it _was_my fault…but a small part of me thought that if they'd just told me all this when I'd first arrived, we wouldn't be in this situation. However, I would agree to keep him happy and on my side for now.

"Okay, I hear you." I sighed. I needed to see if Isabella was okay first, and despite what Peter said, I would find a way to see her come hell or high-water.

"Good." And with that he went upstairs, Charlotte following him closely. I could hear him comforting her; whispering reassurances that it would be alright, that they would deal with whatever was coming, that my Isabella would survive this, and then they would take her away and keep her safe.

I waited for a little bit, hangin' 'round the barn in case he was checking on me, before I took off runnin'. Following their scents, I found myself in front of a large medical complex. I continued followin' their trails up a flight of stairs and into the oncology floor. Doing my best to ignore the acidic stench of bleach, antibiotics, and human fluids, I walked up and down the halls until I saw '_Isabella Whitlock'_ written on a whiteboard outside of one of the private suites. I knew that Peter and Char treated her as family, and while I liked the sound of her being a Whitlock, I was jealous because _I'd_wanted to be the one to change her name, to make her mine, to make her a Whitlock.

I opened the door cautiously, as I knew there'd be hell to pay if I was caught here, but I _had_ to see her, I _had _to be near her. I couldn't believe that she was so ill, that after I'd found her again I could lose her again.

And there she was. Curled up on her side, fast asleep. One arm draped and hanging over the side of the bed, and the other raised above her head, her little fingers tangled in her hair. She still had the bags of fluids Peter had mentioned, going into her hands, but at least she was resting. She looked so thin; I could see the line of her spine through the thin hospital gown. Skin and bones, my Isabella was skin and bones. I bit back a hiss, she needed protecting, she needed looking after, feeding up, and lovin'. _I would take care of her properly, she would want for _nothing_, she is my mate and I take care of my own._

She shifted slightly, moaning softly in pain. I rushed to her side and brushed a lock of hair off her face. She instantly settled and sighed at my touch, so I left my hand where it was, just gently stroking her pale, pale face.

Touching her felt so right, she was where I belonged. My heart felt at peace for the first time in five years. If fate had been kinder to us, we would've been married by now, spending our eternity together. What I wouldn't give to be looking at that future right now.

"Isabella," I whispered softly in her pink, little ear. "I'm here darlin' and I'm not going anywhere I promise. I love you, baby."

**To be continued...**


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n **Thanks to everyone that reviewed, favorited and followed.

I still don't own Twilight, SM owns it. I do however own the idea behind this story and my Jasper (and before you ask I don't share him)

Thanks as always to the majorly fantastic dcurley1 who's cajoled, threatened and generally kicked ass with my bad punctuation and grammar. But who also got me through a difficult personal time this last month and for that sweetie I fluv you, this chapter wouldn't be what it is without you and I can't express enough how I feel about you.

Thanks also to Miss Kitty for her stellar help with regard to tense and well you know what you did honeybun. Even if we had to change the whole doc back as I'd messed up big style.

Geezerwench, you made me cry with your description of Jasper. You pre-read this and for that I am eternally grateful. Please, everyone check her out she's freaking awesome.

**Jasper's POV**

_Previously:_

_"Isabella," I whispered softly. "I'm here darlin' and I'm not going anywhere I promise, I love you."_

"Mmfsper," Bella mumbled in her sleep. Even with my enhanced vampiric hearing, I couldn't make out what she was saying. _Was it my name?_ I wasn't sure, but _Lawdy_, how I wish it was. I would love to know that she dreamed about me, that she craved me like I did her...that she hasn't been able to escape me, just as I've been unable to escape her.

I whispered softly, "I'm here darlin' and I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you."

I heard her mumble something else and watched as her mouth curved into a devilish smile.

"More ice cream, Petey." She sighed, her plump, pink bottom lip pouting out a little bit in her sleep. _Pretty little weirdo_, I chuckled to myself. _Why would she be dreaming about ice cream? _ I wanted to know everything going through her mind; I wanted to know everything that made her smile, everything that made her sigh, everything that brought her peace — I wanted, no I _needed_, to know _everything_.

"No, I want the butter p'can, Petey," she mumbled. It became obvious that she was no longer dreaming about me but was instead engaged in an argument with "Petey" about ice cream of all things. I couldn't believe he let her call him Petey, I'd have to give him shit 'bout that. _Petey_...I snorted to myself.

I pulled the visitor's chair to the side of the bed and tried my best not to disturb the needles and lines as I picked up her warm, little hand. I stroked her palm slowly with my thumb, something that she used to love, and reached over with my other hand to caress her hair.

I loved her hair. The way it felt like silk in my fingers, the way it fell down her back in wild, shining, mahogany waves. I loved tangling my fingers and burying my face in that mane of hers while she slept. I loved the way the sleek strands felt trailing down my chest, thighs, back, and shoulders. The scent, the texture...it was just _her_...and nothing could soothe or center me like surrounding myself in her — like _drowning_myself in her.

_I remembered the first time I got to play with her hair. I was early to pick her up and she'd obviously just gotten out of the shower. She was so cute rushing around like a maniac, trying to get ready in a hurry so I wouldn't have to wait. As I sat back on her bed and watched her, I noticed that her hair was soppin' wet and that she was struggling to get the tangles out. I couldn't help it, I was like a man possessed because the next thing I knew, I was taking the brush out of her hand, sitting her down in front of me, and brushing her hair before braiding it for her. Later that very night, she calmly accepted what I was, what I was capable of, and what I'd done in the past. It was also the night that I realized that this girl _—_ no that woman — was __**everythin' **__to me. It wasn't our first date, but it was the first of many nights we spent just talking and getting to know each other. Our first date came later._

I could smell the healing wound in her back from her biopsy. She smelled of antiseptic, what I now knew to be the cancer, and drugs. It dulled not only her scent, but the inherent fragrance of her blood as well. Not that I ever lusted after Isabella's blood. I never doubted my control around her once. She was the one good thing to happen to me and draining her was never an option, never a thought really.

I sat there quietly, just watching her sleep for what felt like hours. It was strange — though my heart was breaking at her pain, and her past, and I was struggling to maintain control over my temper, I hadn't been this calm or relaxed in what felt like forever. I hadn't been that peaceful in five years. I felt relief that in spite of her being so ill, she was comfortable and sleeping peacefully. Sleeping peacefully at my touch, my presence. As though she knew what I was thinking, she breathed out a contented sigh while nuzzling her face against my hand, almost as if she was seeking me out.

A little later, her nurse walked in, effectively interrupting my memories of our initial courtship. Debbie Sue, according to her name tag — an older woman with short, curly salt and pepper hair, and the hips and soft, wrinkled skin of a grandmother. I watched and smiled, as she fussed over my Isabella for a while — changin' the bags supplyin' her drips, muttering under her breath 'bout how Isabella _"had best be healin' soon"_, tsking and clucking her tongue over her IV's and chart, and at one point, whispering in Isabella's ear that she has more cookies for her to try.

"Oh, you must be her beau. I knew a girl as pretty as Miss Isabella had to have one. You're a mighty fine lookin' boy but you better take good care of her. She deserves someone to make her happy" Debbie Sue said, a gentle smile on her face. "Today's a good day, she seems to be doin' well enough. Her pain seems to have gone down a little, too. I just need to check her wound then I'm done in here."

I couldn't really think of anything to say so I just smiled at her in response, relieved that my darling was having a good day. I liked her nurse. She seemed like a kind woman and there was nothin' but love, concern, and tenderness coming from her.

She drew the curtains 'round Isabella's bed, and I heard rustlin' as she uncovered her and took the dressing off her wound. She hummed in approval at what she saw and tore open new packets of dressings and ointments. I could tell that Isabella had woken up briefly while Ms. Debbie turned her to clean her wound, and heard her hiss a little in discomfort.

"Good girl, that's healing nicely. You're doing just fine, Miss Isabella. We'll get you patched up and out of here as soon as we can," The nurse said soothingly. "There, there, child. You go on back to sleep. That's a good girl." She cooed at Isabella as she pressed the button to increase the flow of Isabella's pain meds, effectively knocking her back out.

She opened the curtain and smiled at me, before walking over to a cupboard in the corner of the room. "Here, you'll need this if you're going to stay the night. Might as well keep your girl company a while longer," She said softly, giving me a thin, stiff hospital blanket and pillow.

I smiled and thanked her, making a show of wrapping myself in the blanket. As she left the room and closed the door, I settled back into watching my Isabella sleep…and I drifted back into my thoughts of the past.

I recalled one of my favorite memories of her — of us really — our first official date. _We had spent a little time together, just talking and getting to know each other a bit, but this was the first time I had actually taken her out instead of just hanging out. We'd been 'together' for about two weeks at that point, but we hadn't progressed past talking and holding hands. I hadn't even kissed her. _

_I'd put a lot of thought into where to take her. I had been desperate for the night to be perfect. I wanted to court her, woo her, knock her off her feet, and some regular dinner and a movie date wouldn't cut it. I'd finally found the perfect place when the theatre company in Port Angeles put on a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I'd had the tickets for about a week before I mustered up the courage to ask Isabella to accompany me._

_When we arrived at the theatre, I got out of my truck and scrambled over as quickly as I could at a human speed to open her door and help her step out of the truck. As I took her hand and placed it in the crook of my arm, she smiled at me, and it was blinding. __She was always so lovely...so very, very lovely...but that night she took my breath away. I could tell that she had put an extra effort into her appearance. Her hair had been smoothed into long, loose, shiny curls, and she had on a light dusting of makeup. _

_I couldn't stop myself, and hesitantly reached to touch one of her curls. I brought it to my face, inhaling and drowning in her soft, warm scent. I was immediately embarrassed when I realized that I was essentially huffing her hair like some sort of odd-fetish junkie...but I couldn't stop. I gently pushed the curl back over her shoulder and tentatively tangled my fingers into the ends of her hair. As I watched her cheeks bloom into a gentle, pink blush, I slid my hand down to the small of her back and led her towards the theatre. _

_I loved that, the feel of my hand resting against the small of her back, the experience of guiding her. I loved touching her however I could, but there was something about my hand on the soft, warm, vulnerable part of her._

_Her unconscious submission._

_Her scent and softness and warmth all around me._

_I felt...I felt whole, completed, __**powerful**__ for the first time in my life. While I was thoroughly enjoying this seemingly simple — but so very complex — contact with my Isabella, the looks and emotions from others was rapidly pushing me into a more aggressive state. A state where there would be no questions as to whose woman Isabella was — for she was mine, and she was her own, and she was no one else's._

_Granted, I hadn't been surprised by the reactions of the other males, and some females, in the room, but it didn't mean I was necessarily pleased by it. Isabella was an exceptionally beautiful woman and tonight she was positively stunning. My jaw damn near hit the ground when my blue-jean baby opened the door wearing a dress. It was light purple and had a lot of papery looking layers. It made her look like a flower or a fairy — something delicate and rare — it made her look ethereal. And these prepubescent little shits had best stop with their lustful ways. She was made to be worshipped from afar, like some sort of precious religious idol, not drooled and pawed over like some cheap trinket. _

_As we took our seats, she unconsciously angled her body towards mine and pressed herself into my side. I have to admit that while she was immersed and mesmerized by the play, I was immersed and mesmerized by her. Her responses, her gasps, the flush of her cheeks — she was just so…lovely. Being with her, near her, filled me with a peace I never thought possible. _

_That whole experience was so new and unknown to me. Perhaps I had courted and wooed women during my time as a human; however, I was so far removed from that man, that time, those women _—_ I guess that was what I was trying to do with my Isabella — to court her that is. But it was so very different and I couldn't believe how nervous I was. For the first time in my inexhaustible memory, I was nervous about a woman. More so, I was nervous about what I should and shouldn't do...what she wanted and didn't want. _

_When the performance ended, we drove back to Forks and parked the truck outside her house. As I walked around the truck to her door, I noted that her father's cruiser wasn't there. I opened her door, which gained me a shy smile. I reveled in the warmth of her fingers on my shoulders and the soft feel of her waist as I lifted her out of the truck and placed her on the ground. I was so distracted by my nerves, and hers, that I stumbled a bit causing her to lurch against me and slowly slide down my body._

_I couldn't stop staring at her mouth, her soft, full, rose-colored lips. It was as though they were beckoning me, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning closer and closer. I noticed that her pulse was thrumming faster and faster. Her hot, moist breath was heavy on my neck, and her eyes were fixated on my mouth, just as mine were on hers. _

_So, so slowly, I lowered my face to hers, wrapped her hair around my fingers, and pulled her closer and closer to me. Closer to where her beautiful mouth was only a few scant centimeters away._

_And then she kissed me. _

_She kissed me innocently and passionately, softly and full of fervor. It shocked me, thrilled me to my core, and at that moment I knew. I knew without a doubt that she was meant for me, that she was made to be mine. As I pressed my lips against hers, I knew that above everything else she was the greatest gift, the most beautiful blessing that had ever been bestowed upon me._

I was so lost in my thoughts and memories of my past with Isabella, that I almost missed her soft cries of pain. Startled, I took a closer look at her and noticed that her brow was furrowed, and she had started sweating.

"Too warm," she mumbled hoarsely, trying to flip over in agitation.

"Isabella," I whispered, hoping that speaking softly to her would soothe her. I talked to her about Confederate — how he missed her, and how she had to come home to ride him again. I spoke to her about books I'd read, music I'd listened to. I talked about anything and everything in an attempt to calm her — or at least distract her from her pain. I reminded her of all the things she wanted to do, all the things that we'd planned to do together. However, it wasn't working as well as I'd hoped as she was growing increasingly aggravated, thrashing and moaning in her fitful sleep.

"Isabella, baby, you need to calm down," I said desperately. I hated seeing her like this and could feel myself starting to panic. I had no idea what to do, so like an idiot, I just sat there waiting and hoping that she'd settle back down into a peaceful slumber.

After about twenty minutes, it was obvious that she was still uncomfortable, so I toed off my boots and climbed onto the bed next to her. Lifting her gently, I leaned back against the pillows and pressed her against my chest. I made sure that she was still on her side avoiding her back, and her wound. I wrapped my arms around her, taking care not to get tangled in all the tubing from her IV's.

She felt so good in my arms; I'd forgotten how _warm_she was. She was so fragile, I felt like if I squeezed her she would break. She'd never been heavy but now she was feather light, as if a stiff breeze would blow her away from me. I held her a little tighter, irrationally frightened that would happen.

The last time she'd been in my arms like this was the day she graduated from high school. _After the ceremony and a small celebration with her father, I'd picked her up and drove her down to Seattle where I'd booked us into a little hotel on the outskirts of the city. I'd wanted to take her out for dinner but she'd been in a rush to get to our room. After making love for hours, and missing the evening that I had originally planned, I'd ordered her Chinese food, and she snuggled against me while we watched a movie until she fell asleep...safe and secure and loved in my arms. That is, until I'd gone to pick up that damn ring. If I hadn't left her none of this would have happened. _

Lovingly, I pressed my lips to the top of her head and sent her a small amount of calm and lethargy. I was thrown when her fragile hands crept up and grabbed the edge of my shirtsleeve. I tried to unclasp them but she just gripped on even tighter. I was amazed at her strength — she'd just had surgery and was so fragile, yet her grip was tight and unrelenting. I yielded and left her little hands there, taking comfort in the fact that her unconscious self was happy to touch me. She was smiling in her sleep after all. _Maybe this will bode well for me when she awakens. God, I hope so._

I knew I needed to talk to her — I needed to beg, plead, apologize, and throw myself at her feet — but it was more important that she rest. Even though I had no idea how she'd react to me when she woke up, I'd take the risk and hope that she'd listen to me and give me a chance to explain.

It was almost dawn when she finally started to stir against me. I tensed, waiting for her to pull away, but was shocked when she actually snuggled closer to me, sighing my name. I could feel nothing but love coming from her as she sleepily mumbled that she'd missed me, needed me, and wanted to keep me forever and ever.

"Yes, Querida, I'm here," I whispered. "I'll never leave you again, my love."

_Querida_. I hadn't called her that in five years. I hadn't been able to call her that — couldn't endear her to me with that. That it came naturally to my lips at that moment just proved to me that I'd finally let go of my anger towards her.

She dozed on and off for ages without waking up fully despite the nurses popping in and out to check her vitals. I filled the nursing and tech staff with acceptance whenever it seemed as though they were going to tell me to get out of her bed. I took advantage of what might be the last time she allowed me to hold her. Although she'd mumbled sweetness in her sleep, she could always tell me to leave when she was fully cognizant. I didn't know what I'd do if that's what she did, but I'd man up and deal with whatever her decision was. If she sent me away I would go, but I swore I'd find a way to get back to her if she did.

I vowed to myself right then and there that I'd never willingly leave her side again if she let me stay. I'd change her as soon as I could, consequences be damned — she would be my forever love. We'd get married and finally have our long overdue happily ever after. That _almost_took priority over dealing with the fuckin' bastard that was coming after her...but caring for and healing my Isabella, my heart's other half — my soul mate — had precedence over everything.

I needed to talk to Peter about a possible relocation, too. We shouldn't stay in a location that was known to the enemy. We might as well get the tactical advantage from moving; we could move quickly and quietly and stay hidden while we worked out a way to deal with Sam. One thing I still wasn't sure about was how I felt about the Volturi being involved. I could reluctantly see Peter's point that they'd be useful, and that they desired to protect Isabella as much as we did, but the mere thought of them loving her drove me to distraction. _What if she preferred them to me? What if she loved them back? What if she loved them more than me? Admit it. You're fuckin' jealous,_the voice in my head pointed out, and I had to admit that it was right. I am, was, and always will be, a jealous son of a bitch where Isabella's concerned.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice that she'd woken up until I felt her tense in my arms and heard her pulse quicken. I relaxed my hold on her, not wanting her to hurt herself if she tried to get away from me.

"Jasper? No…not real, I'm dreaming." Her voice was full of disbelief, she shook her head, "I must be dreaming."

"You're not dreaming, Querida. I'm here." I spoke softly, not wanting to spook her. "I'm here, baby. I'm real, you're not dreaming. I promise."

"Ja-Ja-Jasper…" Isabella stuttered, her voice hesitant and unsure. She started to cry quietly, I could smell the tears running down her face. I wanted to kiss them away but I had to let her deal with this herself to get an honest reaction from her about how she felt.

"Let go of me, Jasper," She said, her voice weak and scratchy but surprisingly firm at the same time. I held onto her for a few more minutes, praying silently that she'd relent and not ask again. I just...I just couldn't let her go — not now, not ever really, but especially not now when she needed me so much...when I needed her so much.

"Jasper, let go of me now," She whimpered as her tears flowed faster and her body starting quivering and jerking with the force of her sobs.

She started to struggle against my hold, and I reluctantly let her go. She twisted so her back was to me and shuffled forward whimpering with pain as her wound brushed against me. I had to fight the urge to take her in my arms — to never let her go again.

Although I _really _didn't want to, I moved my legs so I could climb off the bed. I sat back down on the chair and looked at her. Isabella's pale, shaking form was huddled over itself — her legs pulled against her chest and her arms wrapped 'round them as though she was trying to make herself as small as possible. I wanted nothing more than to snatch her up into my arms to comfort her, but I had to be patient for once.

"Is this some kinda fucking game to you? To see how much I can take before I break?" She stared at me, her eyes swimming with tears. Even though her eyes were bloodshot and her face was blotchy from strain, she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"You know what? You win — I give up. I can't do this anymore — I can't fight you anymore. Just...just take it, take it all. I can't...I can't do this anymore, Jasper. So ju-just leave, puh-please."

"Querida," I said softly, my heart breaking at her words, at her heartache...a heartache I caused in my pigheadedness. "That's not what I'm here for, I promise." She snorted, obviously not believing me so I tried to convince her, to explain.

"I _never_ stopped loving you, baby — never, not once. It was just so _hard _to see through the pain, it-it blinded me. But I _never, ever_stopped loving you, Isabella."

Her emotions shifted minutely from complete despair to a tiny bit of hope. Her eyes hadn't left mine and as much as I wanted to send her all my love, I hesitated. I was worried that it would overwhelm her, and I needed her to believe me on her own.

"Isabella, my love, I am _so_ sorry for everything. I should have known that you didn't leave me, that you were _taken_from me. I am so sorry, baby." I broke down, needing her to feel how genuine my love was and how much I regretted everything that had happened, the angry words, the accusations.

"Isabella," I reached out a hand towards her needing to touch her. "I love you."

"You-you love me?" The pain in her voice was clear, but her emotions were telling me she was desperate to believe me.

"Oh Isabella, don't you understand? Can't you see it? I am nothin', absolutely _nothin' _without you. My past, my present, my dreams, my everything. All that I am, all that I could be, all that I _want _to be...there is none of me without you."

She remained quiet for fourteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds, then she smiled...and it was as if the light of heaven shone on her face.

"Okay," she sniffled. "I believe you."

And that's all it took. Just those four little words, and my entire world changed again.

_She _changed my entire world again.

My Isabella, my most darling love, flooded me with love and longing, and I couldn't help the rush of _hope_, unadulterated _hope_, that rushed through my body.

And I realized then, just how powerful hope could be.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer - I still don't own twlight, just 2 cats and a kindle.

Thank you to Mist, Cee and Cat.

This is short but at least its a chapter lol. Thank you for your patience.

Chapter 11

Charlotte POV

What that girl was going through at the moment wasn't fair. She'd battled the cancer so hard and now after six months of us all hoping and trying to believe that she'd beaten it, the damned cancer was back. Add the stress with Jasper to the mix and it wasn't surprising the poor child was so confused.

Peter could bitch and moan all he wanted but she needed to come to a decision about her future herself. I made a promise to myself the day we found out the cancer was back that whatever she wanted was fine with me and I meant to stick to it. If she wanted to change, fine. If she wanted to die, then while I wouldn't agree, I would support her and love her until her dying breath. Of course, I wanted her to survive, to change and be my little sister for eternity. But, I couldn't be selfish about it and that's what it would amount to, I couldn't force this existence on her if she didn't want it.

Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. He was both the root and the cure to some of her problems. I wasn't stupid, I knew where he was, what he was doing and in some way I respected him for having the balls to go against Peter and see Bella in the hospital. They needed to spend some time together alone and hopefully, figure out a way forward. I had an inkling that if she got stubborn and chose to let the cancer take her away from us he would find a way to follow her, and a world without either of them in it would be a much darker place. No, he has to start to sort out their problems, he can't leave things the way they are.

Peter obviously hadn't realized where Jasper was and as far as I was concerned that was a good thing—the longer he was kept in the dark the better. I would just have to distract him and luckily, for me not really for him, my 'honey-do list' was quite extensive. Of course, there was another way to distract him but I just wasn't in the mood, I had far too much on my mind to be thinking about sex. See that's how stressed you are, you always want to have sex with your mate. You need to take a break and chill-the inner voice in my head was getting cross with me.

Hopefully Jasper was groveling to Bella by now and maybe, just maybe, she was listening to him. I hoped that they would get everything with all of those opposing notes sorted out. I had a feeling that Jasper had an idea but until he opened his mouth and told us, we were clueless. I don't think the wolves left either of the notes. Holy hell, they stink, and there was no way Jasper would have missed that stench. I know Bella didn't leave anything and I trusted Jasper when he said he hadn't written another and switched them so I guess patience was the key to that little mystery.

All I could hope was that Jasper didn't make the situation any worse regarding Bella, but I couldn't imagine how it could be to be honest. We would go to see her in a while and gauge the situation for ourselves. It would probably be best if Peter stayed home, but there's no way that will happen.

A couple of hours later we gathered the bits that Bella needed together and made our way slowly to the hospital. It was a journey we never enjoyed; unsure of what we'd find when we arrived. She was due to start her treatment the following morning and from what I'd found out from both the doctors and from good old Google, it wasn't going to be pretty. The side effects made chemo look like a walk in the park.

Peter POV (a week or so later)

The sound of Charlotte's light footsteps echoed through the office in the barn next door. I ran straight to her causing her to smile warmly and look up to me. She gave me a sunny smile as I approached and I automatically felt myself relax. I wasn't sure what it was or how she did it, but just knowing she was here with me gave me the courage I needed.

I walked up behind her, gently snaking my arm around her waist and pulling her closer. I leaned down and smiled into her neck and mumbled, "Watcha' doing, baby?"

She let out a huge sigh; I melted into her touch and lovingly ran my fingertips along her arm. "Paying bills and sorting the bank accounts out, honey."

I sighed and softly kissed her nape. "More money? Do people think I'm made of the stuff?" I laughed lightly, but she knew better, she knew that was code for "what the hell are you spending our money on now?!" I wasn't tight with money but it had to last us for all eternity and I haven't really had any incoming since Bella had come to live with us and I'd stopped doing my extra jobs for the Volturi.

I didn't need to see her face to know she was rolling her eyes, I spun her round in my arms.. "Well, things have to be bought and bills need to be paid. And now we've got more of Bella's hospital expenses to think about; it all adds up. Maybe it's time you got a proper job?" She grinned and winked at me playfully.

I just shrugged "No way Char baby, but we can always pimp emo ass out instead." Laughing she swatted my butt and sent me out of the way while she finished what she was doing.

Back in the kitchen, I wandered over to the fridge, grimacing at the smell of human food that even with the door being shut couldn't disguise. I was planning to get a glass of juice for Bella to take her tablets with but got distracted by the list of house rules pinned to the door. Some of them were sensible ones such as 'Bella must say if she's in pain and take appropriate action' and the one that Jasper had signed promising not to smother her. The silly ones were mainly Puss' idea 'Petey must only buy butter pecan ice cream' and 'candy is a food group'.

Apparently, candy and ice cream weren't sufficient to keep her healthy but as her oncologist said getting her to eat anything at all was an achievement in itself. She took a daily regime of vitamins and supplements. The girl was going to rattle if she took any more tablets.

The rule I objected to was the one that mentioned me specifically 'Peter must not bitch and whine about the amount of time Jasper spends with Bella' I resented that; I did not bitch or whine. Well, maybe I do for good reason sometimes

Watching her go through the immunotherapy treatment had about killed all of us. There were times when we honestly thought we would lose her. She hadn't wanted the chemo because of the side effects but this was worse. Watching her vomit was bad enough, having to sit and not be able to do anything while she screamed because her skin was too sensitive to be touched was horrible. There was nothing we could do to help her, even the touch of her hospital gown on her fragile skin was enough to have her crying out to make it stop. Then came the fever bringing with it the chills.

The treatment was administered by iv's over three days then a rest period of three weeks before starting again. Bella was supposed to stay in the hospital but had begged to be allowed home for the rest period. Her oncologist had advised against her leaving the hospital but whilst part of me agreed the part that said if she were going to die she would die at home surrounded by those who loved her agreed with her.

"Peter, I'm fine honestly. I just dropped the shampoo." Her voice sounded strained and so damn tired. "I can manage."

I sighed this was turning into a battle of wills, and even though I was a vampire; stronger, faster and healthier than her, I wasn't sure who'd win. If there was an Olympic medal for stubbornness Bella would win gold every time. "Puss, c'mon let me help you." I knew that letting her have a shower by herself was a bad idea, but she wouldn't wait until Charlotte could help her.

"Puss, I'm coming in now." I uncrossed my legs and stood up from where I'd been sitting against the bathroom door.

"No Peter" she squealed "I'm naked." I didn't need to be an empath to feel the embarrassment coming through the door.

I put my hand on the handle and started to turn it slowly "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before Bella"

I heard a loud growl behind me, turning I could see Jasper snarling. Oh shit that was all I needed I dropped my hand to my side and turned my palms facing outwards, and lowered my head trying to show submission.

I didn't see his hand move, but I sure as hell felt his fist hit my face. "You broke my nose you fucker, what the fuckin' fuck did you do that for?" I yelled.

"You saw Isabella naked" his face fell.

I took a deep but unnecessary breath, "Jasper" I paused. "I have seen her naked twice, the first was the night we brought her here, the second was when she vomited all over herself during chemo. Charlotte had gone hunting and what was I supposed to do leave her to sit there covered in green puke or put her in the shower." I looked up at him; he actually seemed to be calmer and listening to me.

Suddenly a wave of amusement washed over me. Oh no he wasn't I looked over at him and the asshole was smirking. I was so relieved that he was grinning. It had been a long time since he'd just let go and acted silly.

I heard giggles coming through the bathroom door, putting on a wounded voice I addressed the little minx at the other side of it.

"Aww, Puss you know I do love you right?"

The door opened a crack and she peeked out looking pale and wan but grinning "Gotcha Petey" She held out her hand and Jasper took it and they shut the door with a bang I could hear his laughter coming from the bathroom.

I sighed, I wasn't entirely happy that they were so close again. I knew they were just friends at the moment, I knew nothing intimate had happened between them but all the same Puss wasn't well and she didn't need any pressure. Not that I thought Jasper would pressure her into anything but meh I didn't need to hear them together just yet. Scratch that I didn't need to hear them together ever! Not until Puss was healed, turned and hell froze over.


End file.
